You may have noticed how quiet Coffee Shop Journal has been for the past few weeks! I’ve sat down to write more times than I can count, but the peace and quiet only lasts for a few moments these days. And above all else, I need silence or white noise when I write.
Honestly, there’s been another reason to be quiet, as well. David, Jillian and I have been on a trip with our church to Israel. We returned last Friday, and have been living in jet-lag induced brain fog ever since. I’m slowly starting to climb out of it! I had my computer in Israel, but was competing for internet time with Jillian. I lost. As you know. And then I discovered that posts I was writing in Jerusalem were sailing off into the ether, rather than landing on my page. I gave up the idea of blogging my way through Israel.
I think I lost something precious in the process of giving up. I lost the ability to share the journey with you. And to me, sharing the journey is really the only point. On the other hand, I gave myself the time to just process what God was saying to me on the trip. That was valuable.
So here’s the weird secret about my trip to Israel. I expected a spiritual high. I expected that His voice would be clearer in that land he so clearly loved. I expected to be close to my traveling companions, and to make life-long friendships. I was excited about hanging out with John Maxwell and Tom Mullins and busloads of people I’d not met yet. And all those things kind of happened. There were spiritual moments, and some friendships that were new. But somehow that part of the trip fell short in my mind, as if God doesn’t make a command appearance to speak in a new way. On my tour schedule. “Lord, there are 45 minutes of free time in the Garden of Gethsemane. Please be prepared to speak then.”
He spoke differently. He spoke by enlarging who I am in my spirit, by making me more comfortable about my place in the world and more uncomfortable about my purpose in the world. He spoke through memories made with Jillian, Melissa and Nick (our traveling companions) and Todd (our neighbor and pastor). He kind of spoke in the absence of speaking, if you know what I mean.
It’s kind of like this: I have no plans to renew my wedding vows on my 25th anniversary or any other anniversary. Why? Because I’ve never forgotten my original vows for even a moment. Why renew what has never been tarnished? (By the way, I’ll happily take new diamonds..jewelry is exempt from that discussion.). In the same way, I didn’t feel a fervent spiritual renewal in Israel partially because He’s been doing a lot of speaking and poking and prodding in my life anyway. I didn’t meet Jesus anew in Israel; I took the trip with him in the first place.
I’m sure that I’ll be writing more about this or that experience in Israel. It’s inescapable. And the trip really did change my worldview and outlook more than I realized at first. But in the meantime it’s just good to be home on my couch, wrapped up in the throw I bought in the marketplaces of Jerusalem and watching the videos on Facebook posted by team members.
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