But…

by marla on July 3, 2009

A good friend of mine asked me this question. “Did God ever call anyone to stay in the Bible?” He made me think long and hard. Most of God’s followers were sent, not told to stay. And being sent is a concept that I think our generation understands well. We begin our adult lives, many of us, by being sent off to college, often in another city from our parents. First jobs can move us across the country. Marriages move us. Modern life seems to be a series of good bye, see you later, keep in touch on facebook. Yes, we are familiar with a God who sends.

But what about a God who asks you to stay?

This isn’t just a theoretical question, you see. David and I are called to stay. Even though I can tell you a list of qualities I would look for in a community, I won’t be going to find them. At least not in a new geographic location. Fifteen years ago God called our hearts to a particular church — Christ Fellowship — and a particular role within that church. He called us to relationships that are as sacred as marriage relationships. He called us to living out our kingdom journey in this place, to finding what works elsewhere only to bring it home. He called us to build a haven in one community, not many. God’s calling is a commitment.

Even in scripture, God does call people to stay. The apostles may have journeyed around, but notice that there are always people called to the places the apostles visit. There are women who hosted churches and prophets. There are permanent churches — for better or worse. There are people committed to their communities, committed to translating the teacher’s messages into practical actions in their day to day lives. Their names are sometimes scrawled at the end of Paul’s letters in the “give my greetings to…” section. They aren’t the top billing, but an honorable mention in scripture is still pretty good!

So to our family and friends who began yesterday to worry that we were wandering off to some new calling. rest easy. Our hearts are full with the people who do life together with us. God’s calling isn’t a burden, it’s a delight. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than South Florida, living the adventure one day at a time.

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How to choose where you live

by marla on July 2, 2009

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I couldn’t sleep last night, and this is what I was pondering! Which is an odd glimpse into my strange mind, but never mind that right now.

As regular readers of Coffee Shop Journal know, I am in a constant battle with my sense of “place.” South Florida is a hard spot to be. Now before you rain-soaked, snow-weary northerners jump all over me, this is what I mean: South Florida residents are usually bent on pleasure. They’ve retired, they want to play, they have all the relationships they want. Or they were raised there, in the midst of sunny suburban sprawl with no sense of permanence or home town. Obviously you can make a home there, work for the kingdom there. I have and will. But it isn’t the easiest place to establish community and community relationships. On the flip side, I love the little community in the Boston area where we hang out, and I love the lake community up here in New Hampshire. So when I come up here I always ponder what it is that I’d love to have in an ideal situation.

Here is the list — in no particular order — of the characteristics of a “place” that I would pick if I were just starting out in my life. If my roots were shallow and I was wondering where to go in the kingdom, these are the traits I would look for in picking a community.

  1. Walkable! Yes, I said  no particular order to this list, but even so having a walkable place tops my list. I would like to live in a neighborhood — whether urban or suburban — where at least some of my day could be spent walking on my way to errands. So many serendipitous relationships are formed when you bump into your neighbors. In Lexington, where our condo is located, we add 10 minutes onto our time frame every time we step out of our doorway, because we bump into our neighbors and chat. And these are neighbors I hardly know!
  2. Demographics. It doesn’t matter what your demographics are, as long as you are aware of them and choose them. If you prefer a more diverse population, don’t live outside a suburban town. On the other hand, if you seem to resonate with a particular group of people, find where they cluster.
  3. Services. Sort of related to the walkable issue, find a spot where services can be obtained locally, preferably within walking distance. Those service relationships are often the start of meaningful friendships.
  4. Culture. Choose your culture wisely. If you are an intellectual, find a place near a college town or an urban center where you can engage in meaningful discussions with others who are also interested in the same topics. A farming community is probably not for you! If you are eco-minded, find a green city so that you have a common bond with your neighbors. We underestimate the value of common interests with the people we live near.
  5. Faith communities. How and where we worship impacts everything. David and I have always attempted to live near our churches because we want to be part of a community, and we want our faith integrated with that. Take some time to find the place you belong, before buying your spot in the community.
  6. Pace of life. Finally, be realistic about your own pace and energy levels. If you are an early to bed, early to rise person, you may not want to live smack in the middle of an urban center. Paces of life vary from region to region, town to town. And I firmly believe that there is no one better way to live: you just need to know yourself.

So just for fun, if I were evaluating these qualities, I’d probably live in a mid-sized city environment at this phase of my life. My children are grown, so we’ve outgrown the yard and pool stage of life. I love to interact with people, sit in coffee shops, walk to entertainment and engage in people watching. I enjoy “culture” but not particularly college/university life. I’m a night owl. I recharge by dipping in and out of people (please give me alone time to read and think, even if it’s in the middle of a coffee shop). I enjoy contemporary worship styles and gatherings of fairly large people. And to me, the ideal escape from all of that is time sitting at the end of my dock on the lake.

Wow. Kind of a revealing exercise for me. I think I need to live in a condo on Newbury Street in downtown Boston! Next to a Starbucks with a Clover coffee machine. Now how does all that fit with South Florida? That’s the mystery and delight of the adventure.

Where would you live?

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Living your nine lives: Maximized Living and time management principles

by marla on July 1, 2009

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So David and I (and the girls, too, actually) recently started seeing a Maximized Living chiropractor. In a very basic nutshell the premise is this: take care of getting your spine and neck properly aligned, support maximum health through food and exercise and your spiritual life, and your body will then take care of healing itself of the aches and pains it uses to signal disruptions to its optimum state. Maximum Living chiropractors treat the whole person within the whole family. So far we’ve had good results from being treated consistently, but we’re at the very beginning of our treatment.

As part of the plan I’m reading a book called “Maximized Living Makeover.” Most of the book explains the theory behind the treatments, and the rest of the book details day-by-day action plans. Right in the middle, however, is a section which deals with making sure your spiritual and mental health is aligned. Great stuff hiding in there! Almost worth the price of the book to get their persepctive on why building “Peace” into your life is necessary for optimal living. I am, believe it or not, a chronically disorganized person. I have to struggle to build systems and people into my life who can keep me on track. This is probably common amoung people who live in open community, like we do! So I was intrigued with this list of “Lives” the Maximized Living book details. Lives are the components of your life, components which all need attention each week in your life.

Your Nine Lives

  1. Mental health life
  2. Family life
  3. Personal health and fitness life
  4. Financial life
  5. Purpose life
  6. Recreational life
  7. Relationship with friends and coworkers life
  8. Community obligations life
  9. Education and personal growth life

The principle is to intentionally schedule “boxes” of time into your week to address each one of these areas. Some will require more attention than others, of course, but all of them need thought and intentionality. And while you are focusing on one of these areas, exclude all the others for the time being. Each deserves your full attention!

Anyone else convicted by that thought process? Anyone else liberated by that thought process? I am! reading this little section in the book last night freed me to be fully in the moment here at the lake, as we focus on life #6, our recreational life and on #2, our family life. This morning there are moments available for writing and reading (Lives 1,4,5 and 9!). Living fully in the moment frees me to stop worrying about the parts of my life I can’t focus on right now. And it also inspires me to keep growing and changing in all the areas of my life. I leave you with an interesting quote from the book.

“Do not confuse contentment with complacency. It’s easy to get comfortable. Because of this, many have lost jobs, lost famiies, and gained large waistlines. You’re either growing or dying, so in order to keep the mission alive, plan daily and weekly growth. Many people look at guidelines for living as a lawful, dry, and boring existence. But they are not. Far from it! The life that is inspired is an exciting one. It is a life that goes beyond simple happiness to an inner sense of peace and fulfillment.”

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Bloggy Link Love: what I am reading

by marla on June 30, 2009

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You will be the same person five years from now except for the places you go, people you meet and information you read. Wow. Good reminder to be intentional with your reading! Having said that, I thought I’d let you sample a few of the “nuggets” in my own personal Google blog reader today!

From my friend Ed Bahler comes this interesting discussion of mega churches. As I am firmly entrenched in Christ Fellowship, which qualifies for but really dislikes that label of mega church, I found this interesting.

We were wrong!

We believed young people would be turned off be the boomer generation mega church. Small churches and incarnational coffee shop gatherings would provide the soul conversations and authentic relationships they longed for.

However, a recent study by Warren Bird at Leadership Network and Scott Thumma at the Hartford Institute reveals that:

66% of mega church attenders are younger than 45 versus 33% for other protestant churches.
The average age for mega church attenders is 40 versus 53 for other protestant churches.
18% of mega church attenders are under  24 versus 5% for other protestant churches.
The startling fact is mega churches appear to be magnets for the younger, well educated crowd while smaller protestant churches attract the boomer crowd and their parents.

But why?

What about those soul conversations and authentic relationships?

We know they prosper best when we are sacrificing for a common purpose together. And that shared sacrifice nurtures spiritual growth as well. Young people are drawn to purposeful relationships and spiritual growth. And mega churches are leveraging their people, financial resources, voice in the community, and leadership skills to make those activities happen.

Any church can mobilize their people and create these remarkable bonding and spiritual growth opportunities. However, it appears mega churches are learning to leverage their resources better than most.

Does that surprise you like it does me?

Ed’s blog can be found here.

Jeff Shinnabarger always makes me think. Here is one of his posts from a recent trip to Guatemala, and some stunning photography.

Her feet were ashy, beaten up, swollen, and storied. Can you imagine being 60 years old and working in no shoes. Imagine the narration her feet could give. A widow and a grandmother of 7 children. She has no home, but she does have a family. Her husband died thirty years ago in the civil way. Her face had a wrinkle for every hard time in her life. We built the house in 4 hours and she lived for 30 years without it. We communicated through 3 translations to understand her thoughts. He daughter was overjoyed with tears about her “big new house.” Meanwhile, most of our personal beds wouldn’t even fit through the door. We are called to care for the widows, now we have a glimpse of why we should. They are souls that comprehend grace more than we could ever imagine. The lives of widows are ones that care for others and none care for them. They are selfless expressions of love. We are selfish. They are hero’s. Meet our new widow friend and her feet: Candelaria.

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My friend Laura Anne Mackay, in Scotland (aka Brunette Koala and @KoalainScotland) posted this curiosity-satisfying post about Starbucks in Scotland. Go here to finish reading it and see the pictures!

Those of you who follow the @koalainscotland twitter feed will probably know that every Friday morning Sarah or myself will stop into our local Starbucks to buy Cinnamon Swirls.

@irishwings and his wife were wanting to see what Starbucks in Scotland looks like, and trust me there are many here in Edinburgh – but this one is one of my favourite to visit.

I love to check in with the blog associated with Neue magazine. There was recently an interesting article on prayer. Here is the paragraph that caught my eye.

I think a wonderful application of the word gap is Generation Applying Prayer. Each generation needs to look at their own time and find out what is pleasing to God about how they are living and what needs to be changed. How does the generation and the times we live in measure up to the Word of God? Whatever deterioration of our society we see becomes our prayer assignment.

Long-time favorite and teaching pastor at Christ Fellowship, John Maxwell had these thoughts to share on a recent blog post. Read the whole article afterward…it’s worth it!

1. Expose Yourself to Good Input

Good thinkers always prime the pump of ideas. They always look for things to get the thinking process started, because what you put in always impacts what comes out.

Read books, review trade magazines, listen to CDs, and spend time with good thinkers. And when something intrigues you-whether it’s someone else’s idea or the seed of an idea that you’ve come up with yourself-keep it in front of you. Put it in writing and keep it somewhere in a favorite place to stimulate your thinking.

Michael Hyatt writes on a broad range of subjects. Recently he was hunting for a pair of shoes and ended up writing an amazing post about exceeding expectations. Here is a snippet, but — again — go read the original later!

This entire experience exceeded my expectations. I had already been spoiled by other online retailers like Amazon. But this took the customer experience to an entirely new level. The personal attention to detail was surprising and unexpected. As I have written about previously, this is one of the keys to generating wow experiences.

In today’s environment, you cannot ignore the details. Taken together, they create the customer experience. Over time, the customer may forget the specifics, but he will remember how the interaction made him feel. And that feeling will guide his future loyalties and buying decisions

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Where I spent my afternoon

by marla on June 29, 2009

It was a rainy, rainy day here on Lake Winnipesaukee. In spite of that, David and a selection of girls spent their afternoon on the Jet Skis. From what I understand, they did everything from jumping wakes to jumping in the lake. And lost one pair of prescription sunglasses. Oh well…small price to pay for such fun!

 

After a cold, cold lake on a cold summer day, nothing beats the hot tub waiting for you at home, as you can tell!

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In contrast, this is where I spent my afternoon! I’d had an early morning, chilly jet ski run. Instead I listened to the sound of the rain on the roof of my little loft. This room is a loft outside our second story bedroom.

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And as for Toby, well this is what he did.

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That’s what vacations are all about…doing what you love best!

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Robert: building community one dock at a time

by marla on June 29, 2009

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You never know where you’ll find a community.

Robert ambled into our lives about a year ago, more or less. David and I were accepting bids for someone to come and straighten the dock out at the lake house. The first couple of bids were in — good bids — when Robert came to the front door. He startles you when you first meet him: 6 foot 4 and built with a good solid chest, he reminded me of a bear. But a shy bear, a quiet bear. David and he bonded immediately and Robert left with the job in hand.

New Hampshire never moves quickly when it comes to permits and shorelines. Every step of the project involved committee meetings, promises, checking of regulations. It struck me odd coming from a state whose motto is “LIve free or die.” Such a radical motto, such total commitment. I love it. But the end result of the turtle-like pace was that we got to know Robert well over this past year. He’s a techy like David, but stuck here in the frozen north where people are still suspicious of cell phones based on the scarcity of cell towers. When David was in town, Robert would make sure to come over and have a good old tech talk with him, and — oh! — by the way, let’s look at the dock. We learned a lot about Robert’s life during those talks, found a lot of common ground, too.

Robert is one of those misunderstood people. Perhaps because people are intimidated by his size, they rarely sit long enough to find out how incredibly intelligent Robert is. And yet, because he works with most of the homes on the lake sooner or later, Robert seems to know everyone. He lives on an island himself — Welcome Island — where his is the only house and it is accessible only by boat. You’d think this would be a drawback in the community-building factor, but it isn’t. He hops in his boat and heads out for the day. During the winters, and other inconvenient times, he manages to find some place to live here on the mainland. Yesterday we passed Welcome Island and saw Robert giving a tour of it to some TV producers. We could never tell if he was just touring them for the fun of it (people do that), or if they were scouting a location. Either way, Welcome Island looked busy. Later in the day Robert swung by the house (on land, this time) to drop of printed copies of our daughter’s boat licences, since we are printerless. I discovered Robert — all 6 foot 4 of him — stretched out on our kitchen floor trying to woo 7 lb. Toby into being friendly. Fruitless task, but priceless picture.

Why am I blogging about Robert today? I don’t know, except that I’m pretty sure no one else has thought about blogging about Robert. I thought about him last night, and realized what a gem he is in this community. I suddenly just wanted to recognize that, even though I have no intentions of sending a URL for Coffee Shop Journal to Robert! And as David and I set out to be intentional in our communities, to be a part of the “Tangible Kingdom,” Robert comes to mind. I wouldn’t have met him in church, don’t even know yet if he goes to church, but I wouldn’t have missed his friendship for anything.

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I just want to be where you are…

by marla on June 28, 2009

toby

Meet Toby.

He loves me.

More than you can possibly imagine.

Toby loves to be where I am. He doesn’t really care where that is as long as he gets to be with me. In the picture above, we are in the car driving from Lexington, MA to Lake Winnipesaukee in New Hampshire. He looks so tired because he’s recovering from the exhaustion of having to be under my seat on the airplane — a whole 3 feet away, give or take an inch — rather than on my lap. When we are home, Toby is like the buoy marking my position in the house. My daughters know when I am coming when they hear Toby’s collar jingle. If I sit on the porch, he is there. If I walk to get the mail, he’s there (mostly…sometimes he chases things outside!). Most importantly in his little doggie mind, if I take a shower he sits outside, guarding and waiting. I have no doubt that he loves me.

Toby made me think about an old Don Moen chorus we used to sing. The words say, “I just want to be where you are, dwelling daily in your presence. I don’t want to worship from afar, draw me near to where you are.” Maybe God wishes that we could be more like Toby, scampering through our world to make sure that we are sitting at his feet, snuggling in his lap. Does God wish that we would look at him with pleading brown eyes, just begging to be allowed to stay nearby?

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Book Review: the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society

by marla on June 25, 2009

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I am reading a fiction book that is surprising me with its insights. The author is Mary Ann Shaffer, and the title is “The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society.” Quite  mouthful. In general, the plot follows a post-World War II authoress as she finds her way in the new world left behind after the war. She connects, via letter, to a group of people who lived on the Channel Islands during the war. She hears how reading books together literally kept their sanity during such bleak, desolate times. The books opened new windows for the farmers who had never before touched a book, as well as for the literary minded of the island who found themselves enjoying the insights of their neighbors.

Anyway, I ran across this quote from a “farmer” who had never been able to feel at home with his religion. This quote from Thomas Carlyle opened his eyes to his own responsibility for his own soul. I thought it was interesting:

Does it never give thee pause, that men used to have a soul — not by hearsay alone, or as a figure of speech: but as a truth that they knew, and acted upon! Verily it was another world then… but yet it is a pity we have lost the tidings of our souls…we shall have to go in search of them again, or worse in all ways shall befall us.

The author of this “letter” to the main character went on to relate the fact that psychiatrists “developed” the concept of ego right about the same time they denounced the idea of a soul. In other words, they cast God out and put man in his place.

Does this not feel somehow to be true of the days we live in now? Inside the church and out of it, it is time to realize that eternity is written in our hearts, that God truly SPEAKS. We can’t depend on our government to tell us right from wrong. We can’t even depend on our church leaders, true though they might be. We can’t depend on any ONE. We must depend on God.

It’s time to stop and hear Him speak in our souls.

I love books that make you think and entertain you all at once. This one does! This is a great book for people who love books. If you are interested in reading more, here are some related links:

Great review of the book from Blogher: http://www.blogher.com/book-review-guernsey-literary-and-potato-peel-society

The publisher’s site with info and author schedules: http://www.randomhouse.com/rhpg/guernsey/

Another review with some author history: http://calitreview.com/944

YouTube reading of some excerpts in a lovely British accent: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7FBcYKl7RA

Finally, a YouTube showing some scenes from Guernsey. After this book…I’m there!

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Adopting our community; adopting our life

by marla on June 24, 2009

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My family is a divine huddle that God pulled together. Except for my husband, David, every one of us is adopted.I’m adopted, my two daughters were adopted at two days old, and all the glorious extras that populate our home and our lives feel adopted!

I remember back when the girls were small, I’d once in awhile run into a well-meaning but odd soul who would say something like “It’s such a wonderful ministry you are doing, giving those little girls a home.” I’m a polite person, so I’d usually say something in return such as “Well they sure bring sunshine to our house.” Ocassionally I’d be having a bad day and comment “They’re actually going back on the market…interested?” We’d laugh, and I’d go on my way. But the comment never made any sense to me. Kylie and Jillian aren’t a ministry, they are my daughters! Once you are family, it’s just all about the relationship, as it is in any family.

The other day I realized that all relationships are really like that. Once you open your heart and your life to a person, it doesn’t feel like ministry any more. It feels like friendship. And friendship is what carries you over the rough patches of life. Friendship is what says, “OK, you messed up yet again but I love you anyway. So what’s next?” I think sometimes I’m guilty of segregating the relationships in my life: I’ll adopt you into my life, but you over there, you’re a ministry.

Jeremy, my favorite barista at the coffee shop where I like to hang out, is moving on to another part off the state soon. I’m really, really sad to lose that nearly daily interaction with someone who’s so passionate for the kingdom. David and I will be sad to see our friend leave. In his place comes a new barista, one I haven’t met. Jeremy says we’ll love him. I realized that over this past year Jeremy has moved from being “a guy in the community” to being our friend. Now it’s time to open up that door again.

Life isn’t about networking and contacts and ministry. It’s about adoption.

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City Place Ascent: Impacting the community

by marla on June 22, 2009

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Just a quick thought before I drop exhausted into bed tonight after the infamous birthday weekend.

I went to our City Place campus of Christ Fellowship today, one of my favorite spots to be. The campus pastor, John Poitevent, was away. Andy Glass, another staff member, took his place and preached a great message on God’s wisdom. I needed to hear it today. One point popped out at me…God knows everything, holds all things together. And we don’t want to trust him? We’re nuts!

Anyway, one of the announcements concerned a prayer walk for City Place this coming Saturday (June 27). I love the idea. They are going to walk through the community and silently pray for the shops, the people, the visitors. Love it! I also know that these particular campus pastors do not have a permanent office in the City Place community. So when they want to be with their community, it’s Starbucks or Panera or some other public place. It seems to me that this is not all bad. Think about it: the community sees their pastors counseling, walking, praying. It sees them THERE. And yet the flip side, of course, is that while the pastors are out THERE, they aren’t available in the church offices, running the myriad details that are required to make a church function.

Do we want to run a church or impact a community?

It’s not as simple an answer as my leading question would imply. And please don’t look to me for an answer: I’m not a pastor and I’m not always out there in the community either. I do know the answer is probably far more balanced than most of us would believe, however. In fact, that’s my only hope. Balance.

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