Coffee Shop Journal

Ironic that even though I am passionate about life out in the community, those who know me best would say that my forte is life in the First Place, or home. I love bringing people into our home, sitting down to a good meal, and seeing where the conversation leads. Tonight I had my mom over for dinner and our back-door neighbors in for dessert. I loved watching the various personalities interact. And there were some interesting personalities!
I’ve always felt that the people we invite into our home impact our lives in ways we cannot imagine at the outset. For instance, my daughter invited her small group leader from church home to spend an evening hot tubbing with some friends and snacking on late-night munchies while watching a movie. Before the year was out this small group leader was living in our upstairs bedroom and had become more or less a part of our family. We’ve had pastors and missionaries, neighbors and strangers all come through our door. Each one, I hope, leaves feeling appreciated and loved.
The act of hospitality is underappreciated in the spiritual gift world. In fact, hospitality is under-practiced everywhere. It is in our homes that we connect on an intimate level. In our homes we can choose to be transparent, and our guests can choose to also reveal themselves. A home-cooked meal is so appreciated by the youth staff in our church. And if I really want to have fun I invite BOTH the youth guys and my mom. In fact, mixing up the guests is part of the charm of hospitality. I’ve seen lifelong friendships begin between my guests over my kitchen table.
I recently read the book “Love is a Killer App” by Tim Sanderson. In that book he takes the idea of expressing affection and love in the business world and explains how that simple act can build bridges and meet needs. In the same way, being intentional about loving on the guests who wander through your home can lay down the foundation for spiritual growth in their lives and in yours. So this year I am trying to be even more intentional in creating unique experiences here in the First Place. I know my children won’t always be pulling up a chair to my old wooden kitchen table, and I want each minute of these last months and years at home to count for them and for eternity.
How about you? How do you invite the community into your home? Do you see your home as a refuge? Can a refuge also be used for ministry? Is it an open system or a closed system? Do you have good relationships with your neighbors? Do you know them? Do you want to know them? These are all the questions that I am thinking about tonight as I clean up from my impromptu dessert party. Fortunately there’s one or two pieces of poundcake left…

I know it sounds kind of crazy, but I’ve been thinking about how to actually go about connecting with my community. Jury duty aside, there just aren’t that many times when I am interacting in the community beyond a simple trip to the grocery store or mall. I imagine that many of us are in that position, where the majority of our relationships are found in our church or (hopefully) our neighborhood. So how do you begin to take steps to be “available” when you are hanging at your favorite coffee shop? These are the things I’ve been thinking about.

1. Pick one or two coffee shops to frequent. I know it sounds obvious, but honestly there are at least five Starbucks I could choose in my immediate driving distance, and I like all of them for different reasons. Lately I’ve been intentionally trying to narrow down my choices in order to build relationships with the “regulars.” My favorite “work” coffee shop is the Barnes and Noble Starbucks. I find the combination of books and coffee inspires me, and the cafe is centrally located. I see many acquaintances and friends that way. At first, if I were honest, I was annoyed at some of these interruptions, until I remembered why I was sitting there in the first place!
2. Choose a provocative book and leave the dust jacket on. OK…you know I don’t mean that kind of provocative. I mean a book that can strike up a conversation all on its own. During the DaVinci Code era, I’d either bring a copy of the DaVinci code itself (yes…I read it) or one of the rebuttal books, and I got into lots of interesting conversations. My recent favorite, In A Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, often draws comments because of its interesting cover and unique title. By carrying that book into one of my favorite shops the other day I was able to explain its main premise to the barista. He countered with a similar verse that inspired him, and then confessed he hadn’t been in church lately.  I reminded him that God really doesn’t sit there with an attendance sheet. That was it… not a huge conversation. But as I was leaving I heard another customer say, “Hey, I haven’t been to church much lately either. But I’ve started going here… you might like it…” I left before I heard the end of that conversation, but I thought how cool it was that a chain reaction was started.
3. Learn people’s names. Again, this should be obvious but we often forget the small things. People’s names are important to them, so they should be important to you. This is one reason that a really good Starbucks will make an effort to learn your name and favorite drink. Return the favor. Even when in a casual conversation with another customer, people usually don’t mind being asked to give their name, and it builds a connection point faster than anything else.
4. Come up for air once in awhile. If you are buried deep into your computer or book, very few people will dare to engage you in conversation. Every so often make sure you lift your head and make eye contact! A nod or a smile can start a conversation.
5. Bring friends with you. Recently we met another couple and their little girl for coffee and had a great conversation going about all the ways God was working in their lives and ours. We hadn’t seen each other for awhile, and there was a lot to share. My friend is also a very outgoing personality, so our conversation was certainly heard by passersby. I noticed that there was one lady who kept trying to come near to us. She commented on the little girl, she returned twice for napkins, and she finally pulled up a chair nearby and just listened. When we engaged her in conversation directly she skittered off like a bunny rabbit, but she was warmed by the fellowship that was happening in our little circle. Not everyone will want to  sit down and become your new best friend, but that doesn’t mean that you aren’t having an impact. Keep your eyes and heart open to those serendipitous moments.
6. Add value to your favorite spot. Finally, be a giver and not just a taker. Lots of us sit in Starbucks and rent a table. This is a good thing, and just what they want us to do. But you can differentiate yourself if you take a few minutes to add value to the coffee shop community. I’ve done things as simple as compliment them on the community spirit the baristas create or ferry an empty cream jug back and forth over the counter for them. Remember my barista that was intrigued with In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day? The next time I returned to his coffee shop I brought an extra copy of the book with me to give to him.

All these things, simple to do, make you more approachable as you sit sipping your espresso, and they help you become part of a third pace community. I would love to hear your thoughts and your experiences in this area! The more we share, the more we learn from each other. In the meantime, isn’t it great to have an excuse for one more Starbucks run?

As most of you know, I’m still processing all that I heard at Q last week. If you missed them, you can find my Q posts further down in April. Q is an amazing conference in that it brings together people from all backgrounds, cultures and persuasions. As my husband David said several times, during the course of Q he wanted to stand up and cheer for the person on stage and at other times he wanted to stand up and throw something. That has become the definition of a worthwhile conversation to us. Why in the world would you want to pay good money to go to a conference where everyone thinks exactly the same way you do? Not a problem at Q: you name it, you can find it.

That kind of openness to dialogue, however, can lead to an opposite reaction than intended. We have the desire, ability and even responsibility to discuss what we are hearing and evaluate it. The conversations started this way are valuable. But we can’t cross the line into the territory where we are cutting down another follower of Christ simply because we don’t agree with him, or maligning the motives of a teacher or pastor simply because he seems wrong to us. We need to develop the conversation based on a mutual understanding that we all want to know God truer and deeper because of our association with each other.

I read a blog by one of my favorite preachers that captures this thought best for me. Take a few minutes to click over to Stephen Furtick’s blog. He is the lead pastor of Elevation church. Read this post, and then resolve with me that we will be humbled by the others around us who are striving to put their faith into action.

Not so much!

Sitting in Jury Duty watching the Guardian and feeling good about doing my civic duty.

The Art of Reframing Life’s Problems

I’ve made it to chapter three of In A Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day. Today’s topic convicts and delights me, both. The premise is this: life’s problems are God’s way of preparing us for God’s opportunities. The problems are the seedbed for the great feats of daring and delight, the stuff of stories. Problems are fertile soil, indeed. Mark tells the story of National Community Church and one of its first real problems. The church lost its lease on the school in which it was meeting. In the ensuing days God only opened one door: the movie theater in Union Station, which has been their defining characteristic as a church. What seemed like a problem was really God setting the stage for their future ministry.

So what are some keys to gaining God’s perspective on our problems?

1. Evaluate your past. When a broken bone heals, it heals stronger than it was before. Look at the broken bones of your life. Has God used them in unexpected ways? Reviewing the past helps us keep trusting for the future.
2. Search for ministry opportunities. How many conversations just “coincidentally” lead to common issues or problems? That’s God transforming your past into missional opportunities. Take those opportunities and redeem your past pain.
3. Examine your character. Often the adversity you have faced in the past is what becomes your defining characteristic. Maybe you have been overlooking such an opportunity? Offering up to God the sum total of who we are allows Him to pick and choose at any given moment what characteristic He wants to use.
4. Be prepared for surprises! We tend to categorize our personality traits into important and not important. “God can use my insight into scripture,” we reason, “to impact my small group.” In reality, he might be using your willingness to always provide the brownies and coffee and create a welcoming environment. Don’t despise the little characteristics that make up who you are!
5. Worship. Develop an arsenal of worship techniques that help you change your perspective on the problem at hand. For me, that would be music. For you? Perhaps prayer or time spent walking outside in God’s world? Whatever it is, write down the ways you can change your focus, because in the heat of battle with your lion, it is hard to remember what tools you have in your belt. Write them down and then use them.

I leave you with one final quote from chapter four.

. “Don’t let what’s wrong with you keep you from worshiping what’s right with God.” Pg. 67

I know this is kind of off topic (!!!) But I can’t resist. We were sitting around talking with one of th

e Student Ministries guys tonight at 12:45 am when the peacocks in the neighborhood started hollering and we heard fireworks. Turns out a house on the next street, S. Elizabeth, was going up in flames. My mom lives next door to that house, so we went running. You can see the video here. It turned into quite a neighborhood event, actually. We saw people we haven’t seen in a long time. Now that’s pitiful. For the record, Mom’s house is fine. Our neighbor’s house? Not so much.

Make the Impossible Possible, by Bill Strickland

He had me at the title.

Make the Impossible Possible is the amazing story of Bill Strickland, an African-American born in a poor section of Pittsburgh called Manchester. One day well into his senior year of an unremarkable high-school career, Strickland wandered into the art room to watch his former art teacher throw a pot on a potter’s wheel. This began a passionate love affair with ceramics and art and jazz, and introduced Strickland to a world of hope and dreams. As a 19 year old college student Strickland wanted to pass on the hope he’d received, so he began teaching neighborhood kids how to make pots, calling his fledgling center the Manchester Craftsmen’s Guild. I could go on and on telling you the amazing path this leader took: his students have a 90% college attendance rate; he has trained impoverished men and women for high-placed jobs in the community; he operates a world-class greenhouse, and runs a grammy-winning recording label. These are just the things I could highlight quickly. The twists and turns leading to Bill Strickland’s achievements are great reading in and of themselves.

But the magic in this book is  not in the sequence of events: it is in the mind of the creator of the events. Bill Strickland sees things that are not as though they were. He dreams big. And this book taught me to take a risk at a big dream.

There is one guiding principle to Bill Strickland’s center, the Manchester Bidwell Center, that seems part of the general conversation I’ve been having lately. He designed the center to the most exacting standards. It is filled with sunlight, decorated with priceless at objects, and houses a state-of-the-art jazz hall. His poverty-blighted students can eat gourmet meals (prepared by students studying to become sous chefs). His welfare mothers can sit on hand-made, one-of-a-kind benches made by famous artists. He believes that his students will live up to their environment, and in all the years he has been operating he has never had to call the police to handle an incident. This is a remarkable claim considering his location.

So once more we are led back to the idea of our surroundings inspiring our behavior. Bill Strickland’s students walk through the door of the Manchester Craftsmen’s Guild and feel hope pulsing in the air around them. For many of them this is literally the first time they have been exposed to the life-changing power of a dream. The implications for designing our own spaces are obvious. In his case, Bill Strickland was adamant in providing the best for his students. When asked why he would put so much effort and money into a poverty center, he gently instructed the questioner that he was building a success center, not a poverty center. What are we building?

To continue on with my recent imagining of places, this is a picture of Flatbreads, an amazing restaurant in the Boston area. It is a chain of several family-run restaurants that has captured my heart completely. In the picture you are looking at a hand-made clay oven, built by the waitstaff in each location. All the food (including the brownies for the brownie sundaes) is cooked in this oven. The food served features pizzas (flatbreads) topped with free-range meats, local-grown produce where possible and flat out amazing combinations. Inside the restaurant all the walls are decorated with artwork, some of it professional and some of it done by local children. There are benches for sitting, nooks and crannies to get lost in, an open kitchen to watch your food, and pleasant sounds of people enjoying themselves. Can you tell I love Flatbreads? They also have weekly benefit nights and love to post community events anywhere they have space. This restaurant nourishes my spirit, which is one of their core values on their mission statement.

So here is our jumping-off point for today: how do we capture that welcoming, organic, nourishing spirit and bring it to the other places of our lives? I am thinking about two places at the moment: church spaces and our homes.  Flatbreads knows how to connect with the town it lives in, even though its location (in an abandoned business park) is not warm and fuzzy. Somehow it draws the community into the space it has created, and given them a “voice” in the space. Do our churches reflect the community we live in, or could they be located anywhere? Do the hallways reflect our values? Do we celebrate our community? How? I would really love some feedback here, because I am struggling with this issue in relation to Palm Beach Gardens, where I live. It’s hard to even find the town, much less celebrate it.

This post is getting too long for this topic, but I’m also thinking about how our homes ought to nourish our spirits and celebrate the community that lives in it. I’ve worked hard to make our home a place that nourishes physically (yeah…I can cook) and spiritually on one level, but there is a well of creativity that isn’t tapped when it comes to our home. How do you touch a person’s inner spirit with their physical environments?

I’ve raised a few good questions tonight, and I have no answers. But like every other topic, I’ve discovered that the asking of the questions often brings the answers to light. So join in the conversation if you want, folks. How do you nourish your spirits?

This is a cool little coffee shop that we found in SOHO yesterday while walking off all the espressos we found in other coffee shops! David and I were struck with the design of the shop, the colors, and of course the aroma (which happens to be the name of their coffee blends). In fact, as visitors to NYC, we found a couple of things appealing about this coffee shop that would, in fact, be not so appealing at home.

• People are lined up in institutional rows, hidden behind their computers. David and I have differing opinions on whether this is a good thing. Oddly enough, David does not like it and I do! I feel like the arrangement almost forces you to sit with someone else and interact with the. He thinks he could hide behind the computer. I think we are both right.
• It was a very noisy coffee shop, which made talking difficult. Perhaps some sound-softening fabrics?

On the other hand, you can easily imagine a small group or a few friends snagging one of those long tables and being able to have an impromptu or planned meeting.

We enjoyed the discussions begun at Q about what makes an atmosphere warm, welcoming and conducive to sharing life. I am also, might I add, hunting for that kind of coffee shop at home in Palm Beach Gardens!

While I’m on a roll with the links to the Q 3 minute sessions, let me finish out.

Matt Poe started a company called 25cloth as a vehicle to raise money for the clean water initiatives. In the year they have been in operation, they’ve been able to sponsor a well and make a difference. The t-shirts they sell are dog-gone cool, too.

One Village Coffee, presented by Scott Hackman, is a good example of coffee with a cause. There’s nothing I like better than a good coffee shop, unless of course it is coffee that also DOES good. (corny, I know — I’m really tired!)

There were several 18 minute Q sessions today, as well, two of which really fired up my imagination. Shane Hipps spoke on the downside of the digiatl age. Shane used to be an ad exec with porsche, and is a student of culture and media. It was very interesting to hear him discuss how the “medium” not only shapes the message, but IS the message. I don’t know that I agreed with all of his premises, but I was fascinated and engaged. Go to this blog by Scott Hodge to read a detailed summary of Shane Hipp’s presentation. I plan to buy his book, The Hidden Power of Electronic Culture.

The other speaker who inspired us today was Os Guiness. Os is an amazing theologian, preacher, thought provoker. I first heard him in college. He challenged me then and he challenges me now. Today he asked us to be mindful of basic challenges coming at the church, from both inside and outside the church. They are:

We need to face up to the wars of the Spirit. There are more worldviews, and conflicts between the worldviews, than ever before. We have secularism vs. extremism, fundamentalism vs. revisionism. The goal of followers of Jesus Christ is to find the middle way.

We need to face up to the profound anti-Christian assumptions in the secular world. This movement without a name has as its goal the removal of religion from the public discourse.

Finally, I was struck by Os Guiness’s call for a new movement to remember the grand, over-arching task of the church in the west, which is to restore the integrity of faith, restore the credibility of the gospel, and restore civility in public life. Several other people spoke today, but these two really had the most impact on me.

And so, with one last call to remember the beloved community that is the church, Gabe Lyons closed out Q 2008. It was a bittersweet time to see Q end. I would have loved to continue on, but there is only so much information I can process in 72 hours! So with some fond farewells and new email addresses exchanged, David and I walked out the door with Buddy and the gang from Grace Fellowship, watched the Christ Fellowship gang get in the car to the airport, and left for a little shopping in SOHO. All is well.