We had a great, sweet family wedding this weekend. We did all the normal festivities: rehearsals and dinners, weddings and receptions. Around our table we remarked that weddings are one of the few places where you are almost always guaranteed NOT to know a good share of the crowd. Tradition even dictates a separation: “Bride’s side or groom’s side?” Often — as in the case of my niece and her new husband — the groom is an out-of-towner, and the bride’s side spills over onto his side. Represented tonight were a multitude of churches, several extended families and random college students making the pilgrimage we all remember so well in those first post-graduation years.

In the midst of all this diversity, I’ve noticed a shorthand develop for pigeon-holing each other. It goes something like this: find out what church the other person attends and determine what “brand” of church it is. For some reason, we aren’t comfortable with each other until we find a way to label each other. It used to be just churched or unchurched, but now the church label is so broad, we have to define it further. I’ve noticed myself falling into this pattern, as well, and I’ve got a pretty good system for pigeon-holing: find out what authors the other person reads. I guess in my mind I’ve got a continuum of authors, some of whom I’m comfortable with, and some of whom I’m not. Some of them I consider passe (yes, I’m being totally transparent here…please forgive me!). Some of them are unfamiliar, and this always results in a trip to Amazon. By the time this short conversation is through, I usually have a pretty good idea where the other person is coming from, and feel comfortable in the conversation.

Here’s my question: is this a good practice or a bad one? Why do I feel like I have to have a label attached to a person before I can evaluate their viewpoints?  And goodness: what if I run across a widely read person who refuses to be pigeon-holed? What do I do then? This weekend my system was a good one. The groom’s mother and father are missional church-planters in the Washington, DC area, and we were able to quickly connect and speak a common “language” in the short time we had to chat.  But deep inside I know that I am guilty of elevating or dismissing people too quickly based on their labels. Sometimes I miss important conversations because I’ve already decided in my mind where this person is coming from and what they are likely to say. I don’t like this trait in myself, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it in other people talking to me, either. Maybe, like new T-shirts these days, it’s time to go label-free.