Is anyone else out there drowning in a sea of Christmas expectations? What is it about this season above all others that has us in a dither, trying to make everything perfect. I don’t remember every stressing because Easter was falling short of expectations, or the Easter eggs weren’t painted well, or I didn’t have the right Easter music on the playlist. Same with Thanksgiving, or Fourth of July.
Christmas stands on its own.
I’ll be perfectly honest with you. I’m all adrift in the Christmas sea right now. For some reason all my delight and joy have fled, leaving a dark cloud over my season. Parties, people, food, a common communal goal of celebrating my God’s birth: this should be a time tailor made for all my passions. Instead i am working hard to find the energy even to put one foot in front of the other. I’ve been spending some time to myself today, trying to understand this malaise. On the off chance that one of you might be in the same situation, rather than not write at all (which was a very real possibility today!), I decided to tell you what I have discovered.
- I love people, but they do drain my energy. Usually I am more intentional about spacing out the people in our home, or at least escaping by myself to re-charge. Lately my “alone” time — like everyone’s — has been spent preparing for…more people. I must remember that reading, solitude and thinking are as necessary as breathing to me.
- Energy is a limited time offer. Every bit of our bodies need to recharge and replenish, and no one will do that for you. This point was brought home to me yesterday when an old friend told me about his niece, suffering from a disease where the cells in her body lack the mitochondrial energy they need to survive. When is the last time we thanked God for that supply of energy that most of us have at our command?
- Christmas will never be perfect and never be done. Isn’t this true? There really is no way to say “There, I’m done with getting ready for Christmas.” At least not until the 25th. I don’t like outstanding, hanging deadlines I guess.
- Everyone in my home and circle of friends has a different expectation of what Christmas will look like. Whose version do I run with? My alzheimer’s, elderly mom would like every night to be spent having dinner and watching Hallmark movies. My youngest wants to shop, shop, shop. My oldest wants the house to look perfect when she gets home from college tonight. David — bless his heart — has learned to flow with the tide and keep his head down!
- Spiritual conflicts. I do believe that the enemy of our souls loves to burden us during this amazing time of year. We’ve all heard the suicide statistics and heard the stories that come from our friend and neighbors. One of my good friends recently said, “Same old crappy holiday.” It took me aback, but I realized that, indeed, that has been her experience. When I wrote Emmanuel, God With Us, I spoke about walking through life with our friends, and realizing their “dirt” gets on you. I think, perhaps, God is also letting me peek into the psyche of those for whom Christmas is NOT the most wonderful time of the year.
- It’s plain, old-fashioned work. I didn’t leave enough time or emotional energy to accommodate that simple fact.
So…problem diagnosed. Solutions?
For now, I’m tucked at a table in my “office,” (Barnes and Noble) working on that recharge and refresh component. I’m reading Freedom of Simplicity by Richard Foster and making a few lists when my attention wanders. I’m going home, soon, to my sweet and understanding hubby and Christmas-crazed but full-of-energy daughter and together we will welcome college girl home. It’s a good life. I think it is time to take a Christmas break from the kingdom challenges, and spend some time enjoying the successes and joys of the past season of work.
How about you? Any solutions to share?
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Hey Marla
Once again you’ve pulled a wonderfully sane, profound and practical post out of your blogging hat. Thank you!
We’ve spent the last couple of weeks in our household basically putting Christmas preparations on hold because of illness, and because our little girl has her birthday at the beginning of December so until we’ve done that Christmas is still a distant proposition.
Christmas is so full of expectation, and I’ve found the more spiritual dimensions of that expectation have become crowded out. I think your reflection that time apart to recharge is important is so right. I find myself wanting to create this beautiful perfect celebration, and yet the times that Christmas has had the most significance for me as a Christian festival are the times when I’ve forgotten to do ‘perfect’ and just gone for ‘as good as we can manage’. In other words, I’ve lowered my expectations, refocussed on allowing space for Advent, and tried to give greater priority to the helpful things our church does to draw us into this wonderful event.
So I think for us, Advent will really begin next week, when (hopefully) we’re all over the flu, when work begins to wind down and when we start to make time for absorbing Christmas. Our tree is up, but I’ve not yet written any Christmas cards or wrapped any gifts. I have spent many happy evenings making presents for family and have had some lovely conversations with our (newly) four year old as she begins to really ‘get’ what the Christmas story is about. This last point has been for me the really special thing so far about this year’s Christmas, as we spend time with her helping her to make sense of it all – and trying to figure out how Santa fits into it all!
Sorry for the long comment. Put it down to the fevered ramblings of a flu-ridden woman!
I’ve talked to more people who are in a malaise this year. It doesn’t help that the media seems intent on depressing us with each and every statement. I have given myself the ‘ok’ to do Christmas more simply this year. Our family is going to spend more time together, and less time going places….. I should probably take some time for myself to re-charge, as you say. I am not good about that at all!
As always, it’s good to know I’m not the only one struggling with this. I think part of it has been an increased awareness over the past few years of the reality that Christmas as we know is so far from what God intends for it to be (I think your #5 above is so true). It seems I’m straddling the fence, so to speak, between a new understanding of things like empire and community and how really world-rocking Christ’s coming was, and living in the reality of family expectations, etc. But then I realize, it’s a good place to be, this struggling.
That said, I have not yet met any of the expectation side of Christmas yet. I am surprised I am not more stressed but wondering if I’m just delaying it all – ha! I guess I’m trying to see how little I can get by with doing, for once!