Until I sat down to write just now, I didn’t recognize the theme of my past two days. But God knew…it leaped out of my facebook pages and google readers, my twitter account and my website history. It came telephoned by my daughter at college and it came disguised by my youngest, dripping in teenage-ish-ness.
It’s so easy to lose sight of who you are!
The course of life alternately seduces us with success or beats us up with some form of failure. We allow ourselves to believe lies about ourselves. Sometimes the lies are “good” lies, enticing, encouraging us to daydream. Once in a blue moon I have one of those moments on Coffee Shop Journal, moments when my readership spikes for the day and I suddenly feel worthy. “I am a writer, I am worthy.” The spike fades and I’m left with wondering if this means I’m unworthy, wasting my time.
Neither lie is true, of course. My worthiness certainly does not come from my readership on any given day, or even a month of days. It comes driectly from who I am: the apple of God’s eye. Even on the natural level, my life’s total work does not consist of the hours I put into this blog or any other writing project I have going. There are so many relationships, tasks, thoughts that make up the sum total of who I am.
We all fall to this lie…I believe it is one of the enemy’s greatest tools in derailing the kingdom. My daughter in college believes the lie or feels unworthy depending on her latest grade or the gang of kids she has to sit with at dinner. And my daughter at home? Well let’s just say that we all remember high school and leave it at that.
God’s kingdom calls us to a different standard of living, however. I read today about Brother Lawrence. I remembered again that he was a dish washer in the kitchens of the monastery. A dish washer who knew God. Do you suppose Brother Lawrence ever looked at all the cool dudes — the ones that are probably jetting from the Exponential Conference to Catalyst West before heading to the Q conference — and wished that he could go too? I’m guessing he did, until he remembered Who it was who washed the dishes and moved through his days with him.
It’s just one of those weeks. I want to go to Catalyst. I desperately want to go to Q. I want to be interviewed on the radio like my friend whose new blog is enjoying amazing (and deserved) success. But that’s not where God has called me during this season. Today I need to help mend a broken teenage heart and prepare for a trip to a reirement village to find a safe place for my mom to happily live. I’m washing dishes today, and like Brother Lawrence I need to remember who is washing them with me.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
You rock! You keep on doing what you’re doing and God will continue blessing it! Thanks for all your support
Marla,
I stumbled upon your quite excellent blog by accident as I was searching for Starbucks quotes. And there you were in all your radiant humanity, the pages of your blog awash in gentle philosophical and inspirational musings, observations and commentary. I am a full-time author and part-time pastor in Las Vegas. You may find my book, “Snapshots At St. Arbuck’s” of some interest given your penchant for coffee and people watching.
And, for the record…you ARE a writer and need no further affirmation to be judged as such. Your work speaks for itself. God’s best to you, my sister. Pop on by my website when you have a moment. I’m adding you to my blogroll.
rg
Oh what a precious comment. Thank you so much! And your words of affirmation have confirmed what God’s already been telling me today: off my backside and back to work! The world is too beautiful not to try to capture some of it.
thank you. I’ll be at your site momentarily.