Coffee Shop Journal

I saw a new blurb on Fox News this morning saying that for the first time ever, Starbucks is planning on closing some of its United States locations in the coming year. While I realize that as far as business models go this might make sense, in my heart of hearts I was saying “Not in my backyard! Don’t touch any of my spots!” Each of the Starbucks in my neighborhood have a different sense of community. Different people are attracted to them, and different converstions happen within them. Now I know, of course, that most of those meetings will merely shift to another location, but I still hope they don’t close any of “our” Starbucks!

All of this got me thinking about the implications of the phrase “Let’s meet for coffee.”

• Everyone knows the “Let’s meet for coffee.” has nothing to do with coffee. It’s a purely social connection.
• Third Place coffee shops are neutral territory — privacy in the middle of the public sphere.
• The degree of commitment implied with meeting for coffee is much less than sharing a meal. Food is a natural bonding agent that creates trust and community. Coffee, however, can be that first step toward real community in a non-threatening way.
• Coffee is a topic of conversation that — in the last 10 years anyway — can bring together complete strangers, saint and sinner alike.
• Scientific studies show that people are more receptive to new ideas after a cup of coffee, which explains all the business deals struck in Starbucks over a cup of java! This is also why I am so happy one of our church campuses allows people to bring their cup of coffee into the sanctuary with them. Finish that cup!
• A coffee cup in their hand makes people feel more at ease.

Even at Starbucks’ prices, that makes meeting for coffee a bargain that is hard to pass up!

If God’s church is to regain its influence in the world, we will have to get much more comfortable doing “our stuff” out there again. So this is what leaving is all about. Simply stated, it’s being “out there.” I’ve learned that if I stay in my office to study, nothing happens. But whenever I intentionally plant myself at a local hangout, I run into people and conversations start, and at the end of the day I know that something Kingdom oriented has happened.

– The Tangible Kingdom, Hugh Halter and Matt Smay 

This post is part of Watercooler Wednesday at Ethos -  cultural watercooler.

For something a little bit different, I picked up a book called The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille. The author is a social researcher who is on retainer by half of the Fortune 100 companies. His specialty is performing “discovery sessions” to determine what Americans (or other cultures as opposed to Americans) truly feel about any given subject. He uses three hour sessions during which he brushes away the debris of what we say we believe and uncovers what we feel and believe in our deepest gut. The third hour of his sessions always involves relaxing his focus group and taking them back to their earliest memories of whatever subject he is researching. the results of these third hour discussions reveal what he calls the “Code.” Many of these codes are simply fascinating. For instance, the Cultural Code in America for toilet paper is INDEPENDENCE. Yes…who would have known. When we master toilet paper apparently we get to shut the door on our parents for the first time and revel in our privacy and freedom. Knowing this code naturally helps companies market their products more effectively.

This morning I was reading the chapter on shopping and luxury, and found myself smiling from ear to ear. You see, he reconfirmed in his research what I have known instinctively for years: the act of going to shopping malls represents a way to reconnect with life in the American culture. Yes, we go to buy things, but that is only the excuse, or alibi, we use to wander through the stores. Read what he says:

This is the real message behind the alibi [of needing to buy something]. Yes, we shop because we need things, but shopping is more than a means of meeting material needs. It is a social experience. It is a way for us to get out of our homes and back into the world. It is something we can do with friends and loved ones. It is a way for us to encounter a wide variety of people and learn what’s new in the world — new products, new styles, and new trends — beyond what we see on television. We go shopping, and it seems as though the entire world is there.

The author goes on to explain — once and for all — a phenomena that has bothered many, many husbands. Shoppers (because there are a few male shoppers, too!) can often browse for hours, narrowing down their selections to just a few choices. We can seem to waffle on something over and over, frustrating our patient husbands while they wait for us to make a final choice. Often, in the end, we leave the mall saying “I need to think about it some more.” even though four or five acceptable choices were available. Why? Because once you no longer “need” a product, you lose your alibi for returning to the mall and reconnecting with life. Mystery solved.

Here is the connect that got me excited today. He went on to describe how malls have been adding casual hang out spaces so that the shopping time need not end so soon. We’ve seen this, of course, with coffee shops and new seating choices, food courts and even children’s play places. In other words, an effective Third Place. But here’s the kicker: apparently people come to this Third Place already looking to reconnect with life in a social sphere! They are already searching for a connection when they walk through the doors.

So my mall community is a valid connection point after all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the coffee shop as a Third Place…not so much about the mall. I think maybe it’s time for some research!

I spent part of my morning hanging out in Starbucks with David today, reading The Tangible Kingdom by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay. I came to a section that really gets me excited about my life because it fits my giftings: building community. Now those of you who know me realize that I actually do not enjoy hosting large parties, even though I regularly do this for my church community. I enjoy the fact that I CAN host large parties, and that I have a hospitable space to offer, and that God has blessed me to make that kind of hosting possible. But large parties don’t set my creative juices on fire and give me a burst of adrenalin.

What really makes me happy is bringing together a small group of people, offering great food and sitting around my kitchen table watching the connections happen. It is around my table that lifetime bonds are made. Ministries are born - and some ministries fade away there, too, as time moves on. Trips are planned. Kids cry, eat, run off to play. Generations interact in ways I could not predict. When I had my mom over for dinner along with the youth staff, I’d never have predicted that she would bond with my young friend Chad, and think that he was the most delightful man she’d ever met. An improbable combination, grandparents and youth staff, but somehow it worked!

In other words, if you want to see community happen before your eyes, gather friends and acquaintances around the table, start serving food. Just add coffee to the mix, allow time and space, and be present in the moment.

A film critic I am not. If you can feed me popcorn and peanut M&M’s, I’ll buy into your movie hook line and sinker. I’m notorious for liking nearly everything…at least in the moment. Later, on DVD or Apple TV (love that!), I am more critical of movies. Maybe it’s the lack of chocolate. But in any case, I’m not great at writing about movies.

Having said that, I watched the film Bella tonight, and I loved it. Here are the things I loved:

• I loved that the director had a story he HAD to tell, and that he refused to compromise on his principles to tell it.
• I naturally loved the pro-life, pro-adoption message in the movie, considering that we adopted both our children and I myself am adopted.
• I appreciated the conflict of interest the filmmakers portrayed. I know the characters and dialogue were a little formulaic (I know…good critiquing-type word), but I felt like they had to be formulaic in order to represent the deeper realities the filmmakers wanted to bring out.
• Deeper realities. Jose, the main character, exuded a love and caring that was the essence of being present in the moment while working for the kingdom. If you want a characterization of what it means to be missional and present in people’s lives, look at Jose. Without condemning, without even speaking a word sometimes, he held Nina to a higher standard and supported her in her choices.
• Let’s not forget Jose’s amazing family. I appreciated that the latin family was so amazingly portrayed. I wanted to sit at their table with them. That table, by the way, was a great symbol of hospitality and warmth and inclusion.

And to be fair and balanced, let me point out a few things I didn’t like.

• The characters and plot were certainly quite predictable.
• Some of the editing choices seemed odd to me. I needed a few more transitions, I guess.
• The pace of the movie was a tad slow. Don’t choose this one late at night.

All told, Bella was a great way to spend an evening tonight with my 18 year old daughter. Jose and his family demonstrated true community, true love. Anytime you can portray that in the movies, I’m in.

My daughter Kylie just returned from her trip to Jordan and Israel with Student Leadership University. She knows just how to please me…she and her friends stopped into a Jordanian Starbucks and snapped some pictures for Coffee Shop Journal! I am amazed at the depth of her experience, and I’m frankly quite a bit jealous! How fun! They met with the King of Jordan, they traveled to all the usual sites, were baptized in the Jordan River and had their lives impacted. She was also offered a marriage proposal including a $3000 necklace and 50 camels!

Today is a particularly busy day in the office (Barnes & Noble, in other words), and I thought it would be entertaining to watch the cast of characters that wanders through.

The Man Who Crushed My World: A young professional spending 20 minutes between appointments sat down near me with a book called “Eat This Not That.” After listening to him read a few entries to his girlfriend, we started a discussion that breaks my heart. It’s one of those diet books that steers you toward the lesser of two evils. The “greater” of two evils in several entries ruined some of my favorite experiences in life: no more layered cheese fries with ranch dressing for dipping at Outback Steakhouse. Not for 1,500 calories!!!!

Barnes & Noble unaccountably only provided one outlet in the corner. The local insiders all vie for the table next to that outlet. If you miss it, you can stretch from one comfy chair, but not so well. Currently two couples are huddled around a laptop browsing real estate listings for the area. One of the gentlemen keeps picking up his cellphone every few minutes to call their agent to schedule showings. Northerners with sand in their shoes. Sharing their outlet and sitting uncomfortably close to the action is a nursing student trying to study on her laptop. Poor thing: she’s probably longing to go see the condo one block from the beach with two pools.

We are full of moms and kids today, as well. With school out this is a one-stop destination for lots of folk. Snack, coffee, books and entertainment in one location. I kind of like the new life and noise the kids bring, but I’m sure not everyone does!

Magazine stackers are everywhere, too. These are the people, usually women, who stack up every copy of every magazine they have an interest in and sit down to browse them all for free. I have a strong opinion on this, as you may be able to tell, but the B&N folk seem to take it in stride.

One of our pastor’s wives is across the room doing a personality/gifting assessment with another woman. I’m trying not to listen, but it’s kind of interesting!

Mr. Man Who Crushed My World left and offered me the book to browse through. No thanks, too sad already. His seat was taken by a man who knows everyone in the place. Apparently he is also doing some sort of research that looks architectural design in nature. The student nurse gave up, but the househunting is going so well. We’ve also been joined by the duffers…a cadre of older guys who show up here frequently to read magazines (again!) and shoot the breeze about their golf scores. Today they have a younger duffer with them. Beware, young man, you are looking at your future. There is also a really hip-looking dad here with his maybe 3 month old daughter. Gotta love parents who break their kids into the book addiction early!

My idyllic time of blogging and surfing has come to an end with a pair of loud-talkers. Yes, you know who they are. Every nuance of their conversation is being broadcast throughout the cafe. As I am packing up, I notice that another regular - a graphic designer who wants to be a photographer - has claimed the outlet when the househunters went off to hunt. He smiles at me as I leave him to the loud talkers. Just another day in the office.

Religion appears to be the hot topic in film making these days. Hot on the heels of Dan Merchant’s film, Bill Mahr has released a trailer of his new movie, Religulous. I’m going to guess that it’s going to be a controversial release, but I’m pretty sure we’ll be talking about it. Take a look at the trailer.

The book “Lord Save Us From Your Followers” by Dan Merchant has made a huge impact on my life in the last few weeks, perhaps more than any other book I’ve read this year. I refused to pick it up in Barnes & Noble for a long time, not wanting to hear whatever message a book with that title might have to offer. But after seeing a video clip of the movie by the same name, I changed my mind and began a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything. After writing about the book, I was contacted by one of the team members who helped with the project and offered a copy of the full DVD for review. Tonight my family and I finished it. Wow. As my husband summed it up, “I think every adult Christian really ought to see this movie.” David doesn’t often engage in dramatic statements, so my ears perked up. I agree with him, too. Here are a few things that tonight’s showing reinforced in my mind.

• Dan Merchant is one brave soul to venture out in his bumper sticker suit and open himself up to the conversations he had. Not only was he brave, but he taught me that the conversations don’t have to be filled with fear and hate. In fact they were congenial and interesting. People are interesting.
• We conservative Christians did not perform so well on a Family Feud-style game show called Culture Wars. What this means is that we know far less about how the rest of the world sees life than they do. In fact, they can quite well predict what we might say, but we haven’t a clue what the rest of the world might say. We need to learn about the life the rest of the world is living.
• The world out there has a skewed view of Christ’s love, and it’s up to us to change that perception. No one else will change their opinion of us.
• Everybody has a story.

This is one more little clip from the movie of “Lord Save Us From Your Followers.” Get your hands on a copy of the movie or go to their website for more information. Also, Jeff Shinabarger blogged an interview with Dan Merchant yesterday that is an interesting read. You can find that here.

Yesterday I was struck by Ed Bahler’s post on the importance of understanding the people who come to your Third Place, whether it be inside the church or a stand-alone coffee shop. And I have to agree with one of Ed’s statements: if it was up to the church, we’d probably have still been doing a feasibility study on how to feed the 5000 while the crowd wandered off to the nearest pub. Can’t you just see the chagrined disciples slinking into the pub long after all the tables were taken with laughing, happy, full seekers? They squeeze in, here and there, and join the conversations that are almost over about the miraculous things the teacher was saying today. Now before someone writes me to tell me that there were no pubs in Jesus’ time, please give me grace. I know that. But I like pubs, and I want to think about some Monty Python-style disciples squeezing through the door. Substitute fire pits with goats roasting and the point is still the same: Christians are often late to the party.

Why? We have all the tools we need to understand people’s hearts better than anyone else on earth. We have the intrinsic motivation to care about the people “out there.” And yet, sometimes from the perspective of those “out there,” we couldn’t care less. It’s not true, of course. We care. We want to do what Jesus did. We want to feed the crowd, turn them into a party, and embrace the goodness of life with them. We want to do what the Master did. We just don’t always know how. How do we dip our bread into the oil and tell stories through the night with the crowd?

When it comes to creating intentional Third Spaces, we need to develop a theology of hospitality, a theology that embraces the recipient of our hospitality with more than respect, with something closer to welcome. If we want to have an atmosphere where seekers can feel comfortable seeking, we have to be careful not to give them our own answers too soon, and we have to be willing to listen to their first attempts at walking through a spiritual journey. Hospitality has long been relegated to domestic divas (yeah…sometimes I am one), but in truth it is a dangerous gifting, leading into deep waters of heartache, care and uncertainty. You see, the people “out there” don’t always follow our plans for them, oddly enough. And sometimes — really — their plan is even better. We have to be strong enough to create a space for the seekers, a space for laughter and comfort and sharing that may seem to have nothing at all to do with the gospel. That is the work of being an incarnational representative of Christ. When the recipient of our hospitality reclines in friendship to start yet another story and perhaps decide to indulge in dessert after all, he is feeling comfortable and safe. We have succeeded.

Creating that haven of “belonging” is what the world excels at. Buy this TV and you are “in” and your sports-viewing life will be better than ever. Come to this restaurant and you will find friends and food to tickle your senses. Wear these clothes and you won’t go home alone. We need to hear these messages, and realize that the world is out there waiting to belong. Now it’s time to welcome them home.

Ed Bahler wrote the blog post of the day for me. He said so many things I would like to say, too. Go check it out.