Coffee Shop Journal

I found this video on YouTube today, and thought it was really well done. The makers have managed to convey the essence of being with our community as a way of showing that the kingdom of God really is here. For those of you who know me, one caveat: the beginning of the film shows the subject disenchanted with his apparently boring and clueless church. I’m not there. I don’t think living out the kingdom needs to be an either/or situation. I love my church, the people there, the ministries that we have and the way my church touches the community differently than an individual or a small group can. But with that one exception, this is an amazing short film with a great message. I really love things that use the metaphor of “The Table” as a symbol of community. Enjoy!

After hanging up the phone with a friend who is creating a new vision for her life, I was impressed with this quote from John Maxwell on searching for new solutions to old problems.

To make yourself a more solution-oriented team player…

• Refuse to give up. Think about an impossible situation you and your teammates have all but given up overcoming. Now determine to not give up until you find a solution.
• Refocus your thinking. No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. Set aside dedicated time to work on the problem. Make sure it’s prime think time, not leftover time when you are tied or distracted.
• Rethink your strategy. Get out of the box of your typical thinking. Break a few rules. Brainstorm absurd ideas. Redefine the problem. Do whatever it takes to generate fresh ideas and approaches to the problem.
• Repeat the process. If at first you don’t succeed in solving the problem, keep at it. If you do solve the problem, then repeat the process with another problem. Remember, your goal is to cultivate a solution-oriented attitude that you bring into play all the time.

–John Maxwell, Go for Gold

I saw a new blurb on Fox News this morning saying that for the first time ever, Starbucks is planning on closing some of its United States locations in the coming year. While I realize that as far as business models go this might make sense, in my heart of hearts I was saying “Not in my backyard! Don’t touch any of my spots!” Each of the Starbucks in my neighborhood have a different sense of community. Different people are attracted to them, and different converstions happen within them. Now I know, of course, that most of those meetings will merely shift to another location, but I still hope they don’t close any of “our” Starbucks!

All of this got me thinking about the implications of the phrase “Let’s meet for coffee.”

• Everyone knows the “Let’s meet for coffee.” has nothing to do with coffee. It’s a purely social connection.
• Third Place coffee shops are neutral territory — privacy in the middle of the public sphere.
• The degree of commitment implied with meeting for coffee is much less than sharing a meal. Food is a natural bonding agent that creates trust and community. Coffee, however, can be that first step toward real community in a non-threatening way.
• Coffee is a topic of conversation that — in the last 10 years anyway — can bring together complete strangers, saint and sinner alike.
• Scientific studies show that people are more receptive to new ideas after a cup of coffee, which explains all the business deals struck in Starbucks over a cup of java! This is also why I am so happy one of our church campuses allows people to bring their cup of coffee into the sanctuary with them. Finish that cup!
• A coffee cup in their hand makes people feel more at ease.

Even at Starbucks’ prices, that makes meeting for coffee a bargain that is hard to pass up!

If God’s church is to regain its influence in the world, we will have to get much more comfortable doing “our stuff” out there again. So this is what leaving is all about. Simply stated, it’s being “out there.” I’ve learned that if I stay in my office to study, nothing happens. But whenever I intentionally plant myself at a local hangout, I run into people and conversations start, and at the end of the day I know that something Kingdom oriented has happened.

– The Tangible Kingdom, Hugh Halter and Matt Smay 

This post is part of Watercooler Wednesday at Ethos -  cultural watercooler.

For something a little bit different, I picked up a book called The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille. The author is a social researcher who is on retainer by half of the Fortune 100 companies. His specialty is performing “discovery sessions” to determine what Americans (or other cultures as opposed to Americans) truly feel about any given subject. He uses three hour sessions during which he brushes away the debris of what we say we believe and uncovers what we feel and believe in our deepest gut. The third hour of his sessions always involves relaxing his focus group and taking them back to their earliest memories of whatever subject he is researching. the results of these third hour discussions reveal what he calls the “Code.” Many of these codes are simply fascinating. For instance, the Cultural Code in America for toilet paper is INDEPENDENCE. Yes…who would have known. When we master toilet paper apparently we get to shut the door on our parents for the first time and revel in our privacy and freedom. Knowing this code naturally helps companies market their products more effectively.

This morning I was reading the chapter on shopping and luxury, and found myself smiling from ear to ear. You see, he reconfirmed in his research what I have known instinctively for years: the act of going to shopping malls represents a way to reconnect with life in the American culture. Yes, we go to buy things, but that is only the excuse, or alibi, we use to wander through the stores. Read what he says:

This is the real message behind the alibi [of needing to buy something]. Yes, we shop because we need things, but shopping is more than a means of meeting material needs. It is a social experience. It is a way for us to get out of our homes and back into the world. It is something we can do with friends and loved ones. It is a way for us to encounter a wide variety of people and learn what’s new in the world — new products, new styles, and new trends — beyond what we see on television. We go shopping, and it seems as though the entire world is there.

The author goes on to explain — once and for all — a phenomena that has bothered many, many husbands. Shoppers (because there are a few male shoppers, too!) can often browse for hours, narrowing down their selections to just a few choices. We can seem to waffle on something over and over, frustrating our patient husbands while they wait for us to make a final choice. Often, in the end, we leave the mall saying “I need to think about it some more.” even though four or five acceptable choices were available. Why? Because once you no longer “need” a product, you lose your alibi for returning to the mall and reconnecting with life. Mystery solved.

Here is the connect that got me excited today. He went on to describe how malls have been adding casual hang out spaces so that the shopping time need not end so soon. We’ve seen this, of course, with coffee shops and new seating choices, food courts and even children’s play places. In other words, an effective Third Place. But here’s the kicker: apparently people come to this Third Place already looking to reconnect with life in a social sphere! They are already searching for a connection when they walk through the doors.

So my mall community is a valid connection point after all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the coffee shop as a Third Place…not so much about the mall. I think maybe it’s time for some research!

I’m at Barnes and Noble right now, thinking about what it means to be available in the community. Community is a warm and fuzzy word, but really it is downright messy sometimes. As I look around here, where I only know two people at the moment, I can think of big issues in each of their lives…issues that I could never hope to solve. My weekend, too, was spent living transparently with others in my community in order to model relationship building. Life is not simple, and in our quest for connection with the people around us, we can’t pretend that it is.

Our job in this kingdom is to live out the truth in such away that the people around us are attracted to the source of that truth. One of the concepts in The Tangible Kingdom (Hugh Halter and Matt Smay) is that we need to be as concerned about our posture - how we present ourselves and our message of kingdom hope in the world - as we are about the message itself. When life gets messy, people need to know that we are on their side. They need to know that we will stick up for them even if they are in a mess of their own creation. Halter points to the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery: a mess of her own making if there ever was one. Jesus won her heart by standing with her, not condemning her. He presented such a compelling portrait of God’s love for us that immediately all other loves seemed pale in comparison to this woman. His truth was so attractive, so present and available to her, that immediately she turned from her old life to take her first halting steps into the kingdom.

After finishing The Tangible Kingdom, I have written down in my journal five ways that I hope to be present in this world when others need me. They aren’t very profound, and I’ve written all of them before, but clarifying my mission has helped me realize what I can — and can’t — do.

1. I will redefine what it means to be in the world, but not of it. For most of my life I’ve focused on the second half of that statement. It was a good thing during my formative years to determine that I would not be “of” the world. But I’ve forgotten to be in the world. It’s time to “…find the courage to live bigger and be countercultural while remaining deeply embedded in the world.” I can’t tell you exactly what this will look like yet, but I do know that it’s going to change where I spend my time, how I prioritize.
2. I will grant others the grace to be sinners. Yes, that’s right…you have my permission to be a sinner. Because I am one. And once I realize that not only are Christians not perfect, but certainly people outside the faith are not perfect either, then I can truly meet people without judging them.
3. When I am with another member of my community — whether family member, friend, or new acquaintance in the coffee shops — I will make every effort just to BE there. For me, this is easier done with relative strangers than with my family. Just being there means that I will try to schedule my time more loosely, be flexible, and be intentional about creating opportunities.
4. I’m going to stop giving people advice. Does it ever work anyway? When someone need advice they will usually ask for it.
5. I’m going to try to create the feeling of “belonging” that we all long for wherever I am. Extending that depth of hospitality, the welcome that says “my doors are always open to you, because you fit here” is what transforms lives. How simple, and how terribly complicated.

I spent part of my morning hanging out in Starbucks with David today, reading The Tangible Kingdom by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay. I came to a section that really gets me excited about my life because it fits my giftings: building community. Now those of you who know me realize that I actually do not enjoy hosting large parties, even though I regularly do this for my church community. I enjoy the fact that I CAN host large parties, and that I have a hospitable space to offer, and that God has blessed me to make that kind of hosting possible. But large parties don’t set my creative juices on fire and give me a burst of adrenalin.

What really makes me happy is bringing together a small group of people, offering great food and sitting around my kitchen table watching the connections happen. It is around my table that lifetime bonds are made. Ministries are born - and some ministries fade away there, too, as time moves on. Trips are planned. Kids cry, eat, run off to play. Generations interact in ways I could not predict. When I had my mom over for dinner along with the youth staff, I’d never have predicted that she would bond with my young friend Chad, and think that he was the most delightful man she’d ever met. An improbable combination, grandparents and youth staff, but somehow it worked!

In other words, if you want to see community happen before your eyes, gather friends and acquaintances around the table, start serving food. Just add coffee to the mix, allow time and space, and be present in the moment.

If you hang around here very often you will certainly hear me mention Steven Furtick, the pastor of Elevation Church in North Carolina. I believe God’s hand is on this young pastor to impact the next generation in a mighty way. He’s also speaking at Catalyst ‘08, so I am excited to hear him in person!

Recently he took a vacation to the beach with his family, and told this story.

Elijah and I had a great time playing Wave Jumper at the beach last week.
Here’s a brief description of this sensational new game:
I stand behind Elijah, hold on to both of his wrists high above his head, and take him out to the place where the water hits his chest.  When the wave comes, I jerk him up high enough that the water doesn’t cover his face or get in his ears.  He then laughs uncontrollably, and proudly screams at the top of his lungs:
“I’m the Wave Jumper!  Let’s jump another wave Daddy!”
And we jump another one, and another one, and another one…

I didn’t have the heart or feel the need to explain to my almost 3 year old son that technically, he’s not the wave jumper.  Daddy is the wave jumper.  He should probably scream something more like:
“I’m the Hand Holder”.  I’m the one doing the heavy lifting here!
In actuality, here’s his only job in this partnership: to keep his hands in my hands, and trust that when the wave comes, I’ll lift him up high above it.

That’ll preach, won’t it?

Go to his blog and read the rest of the post. I know I’m going to be thinking about it for the rest of the day!

It’s the dishtowels that have pushed me over the edge.

You see, I just finished reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. Reading is such a dangerous activity! This fiction book is an excellent companion to Lisa and Will Samson’s book “Justice in the ‘Burbs.” It is a fictional playing-out of the principles found in Justice. If I were to summarize the principles off the top of my head they would boil down to these:

• As Christians we need to carefully evaluate our lifestyle. We need to do this frequently and repeatedly. The world is full of “big” things to do:should we let the “little”things sidetrack us? Look at your possessions, your activities, your living arrangements. Are they in line with what God has for you?
• Monitor your activities through the lens of God’s kingdom. Activities that used to have a purpose may now be nothing more than busy work, keeping us from the kingdom work.
• Look at where you are doing your work. Are you only interacting with other Christians? Do the issues of justice and social concerns ever hit your radar screen? If not, you may need to ask God where he is at work, and join him there.
• Keep your worship fresh. Make sure you are connecting to God in a variety of ways, including taking time to hear his voice and respond. Perhaps you might want to worship in a different church every so often to obtain a fresh perspective (if only thankfulness for your own church!).

I am sure that others reading these two books would take away different points, but these were the ones God was pointing out to me. Now combine these thoughts with The Tangible Kingdom, which I am currently reading. The Tangible Kingdom is teaching me to let go of some of the belongings, activities and people of the past in order to effectively serve God in the present.

And so we come to the dishtowels.

I have so many!!! I have them in all colors, textures and sizes. Some are neatly stored in my drawer, some are constantly on the counter. Some are in the wash. All of them need to be maintained: wash, dry, fold, use, repeat. I could divest myself of half my dishtowels and still have too many.

Lately my life feels like the dishtowel drawer.

“Oftentimes, if you decide to embrace the tension and move forward, this is your first battle. To move forward, we can’t keep everything we always had. We have to pick what to take, what is absolutely necessary, and leave behind some things that have been important to us. What used to provide comfort may now only take up space or be a hindrance to getting where we need to go.”

These words, from The Tangible Kingdom by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay have stayed with me during the days since I read them. One the literal level the author was discussing a recent move to Colorado from Oregon, in which he discovered there just wasn’t room enough in the moving truck for all his possessions. On that level alone this quote has convicted me. David and I have noticed that we are often happier in a hotel room or in our Lexington condo, which has just the few things we need to live comfortably in the space while we are up there. When we return home, our house feels weighed down with the baggage of the years. As we pass through the milestones of our lives, friends and family along the way give us things, things that they believe are important or apply so well to a particular phase of life. For instance, nearly all of us have wedding china but we rarely use it. I have tablecloths that fit my first dining room table, but not the larger one that I like to use now. And don’t get me started on the books that were significant to me, but which I no longer read. We accumulate these things because they were important - they truly were. But now I am faced with the tension of realizing that if I want to move forward in our life — if I want to feel at home in my own home — I need to let go of things that used to be important.

This also applies on a metaphorical level. In ministry — friendships and the intangible activities that make up our lives — we need to edit our choices as well. We need to be able to let go of things we have “always done” in order to make room for the things God is calling us to do right now. The life God is calling me to — in this time and place — takes time. I will not be able to spend that time if I don’t make different choices than I have in the past.

So I guess my question to us all is this: are the choices we are making day in and day out consistent with the calling God has placed on our lives at this season in our journey?

One final quote from The Tangible Kingdom (for today, anyway!) really reminded me of my priorities.

“When I walk into Starbucks, I don’t think about coffee. That’s predetermined . . . tall black Americano. I ponder the lives of everyone I see. I wonder about their spiritual journeys, their highs and lows . . . and where they look for direction in their search. My initial assumption is that in any room full of people, very few know Christ. I ask myself how I could get into their lives or how a conversation might begin. I don’t see them as projects — that wouldn’t go very far. I see them as sould the Lord loves who simply haven’t seen or heard an accurate message about the Kingdom. I always feel confident that I may one day be talking with them about life and God. Oddly enough, this seems to happen all the time.”

We had a great, sweet family wedding this weekend. We did all the normal festivities: rehearsals and dinners, weddings and receptions. Around our table we remarked that weddings are one of the few places where you are almost always guaranteed NOT to know a good share of the crowd. Tradition even dictates a separation: “Bride’s side or groom’s side?” Often — as in the case of my niece and her new husband — the groom is an out-of-towner, and the bride’s side spills over onto his side. Represented tonight were a multitude of churches, several extended families and random college students making the pilgrimage we all remember so well in those first post-graduation years.

In the midst of all this diversity, I’ve noticed a shorthand develop for pigeon-holing each other. It goes something like this: find out what church the other person attends and determine what “brand” of church it is. For some reason, we aren’t comfortable with each other until we find a way to label each other. It used to be just churched or unchurched, but now the church label is so broad, we have to define it further. I’ve noticed myself falling into this pattern, as well, and I’ve got a pretty good system for pigeon-holing: find out what authors the other person reads. I guess in my mind I’ve got a continuum of authors, some of whom I’m comfortable with, and some of whom I’m not. Some of them I consider passe (yes, I’m being totally transparent here…please forgive me!). Some of them are unfamiliar, and this always results in a trip to Amazon. By the time this short conversation is through, I usually have a pretty good idea where the other person is coming from, and feel comfortable in the conversation.

Here’s my question: is this a good practice or a bad one? Why do I feel like I have to have a label attached to a person before I can evaluate their viewpoints?  And goodness: what if I run across a widely read person who refuses to be pigeon-holed? What do I do then? This weekend my system was a good one. The groom’s mother and father are missional church-planters in the Washington, DC area, and we were able to quickly connect and speak a common “language” in the short time we had to chat.  But deep inside I know that I am guilty of elevating or dismissing people too quickly based on their labels. Sometimes I miss important conversations because I’ve already decided in my mind where this person is coming from and what they are likely to say. I don’t like this trait in myself, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it in other people talking to me, either. Maybe, like new T-shirts these days, it’s time to go label-free.