Coffee Shop Journal

We had a great, sweet family wedding this weekend. We did all the normal festivities: rehearsals and dinners, weddings and receptions. Around our table we remarked that weddings are one of the few places where you are almost always guaranteed NOT to know a good share of the crowd. Tradition even dictates a separation: “Bride’s side or groom’s side?” Often — as in the case of my niece and her new husband — the groom is an out-of-towner, and the bride’s side spills over onto his side. Represented tonight were a multitude of churches, several extended families and random college students making the pilgrimage we all remember so well in those first post-graduation years.

In the midst of all this diversity, I’ve noticed a shorthand develop for pigeon-holing each other. It goes something like this: find out what church the other person attends and determine what “brand” of church it is. For some reason, we aren’t comfortable with each other until we find a way to label each other. It used to be just churched or unchurched, but now the church label is so broad, we have to define it further. I’ve noticed myself falling into this pattern, as well, and I’ve got a pretty good system for pigeon-holing: find out what authors the other person reads. I guess in my mind I’ve got a continuum of authors, some of whom I’m comfortable with, and some of whom I’m not. Some of them I consider passe (yes, I’m being totally transparent here…please forgive me!). Some of them are unfamiliar, and this always results in a trip to Amazon. By the time this short conversation is through, I usually have a pretty good idea where the other person is coming from, and feel comfortable in the conversation.

Here’s my question: is this a good practice or a bad one? Why do I feel like I have to have a label attached to a person before I can evaluate their viewpoints?  And goodness: what if I run across a widely read person who refuses to be pigeon-holed? What do I do then? This weekend my system was a good one. The groom’s mother and father are missional church-planters in the Washington, DC area, and we were able to quickly connect and speak a common “language” in the short time we had to chat.  But deep inside I know that I am guilty of elevating or dismissing people too quickly based on their labels. Sometimes I miss important conversations because I’ve already decided in my mind where this person is coming from and what they are likely to say. I don’t like this trait in myself, and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like it in other people talking to me, either. Maybe, like new T-shirts these days, it’s time to go label-free.

I’ve been listening to the Robbie Seay Band a lot lately. Today the song Rise is really causing me to stop and be thankful for this crazy life I lead. “People of Love, Rise, Give yourself away.” Can I tell you how much I want that to be the anthem of my life? And must I also tell you how far from that target I am?

There has been a synchroblog going on around the topic “What is Missional?” I heard about it on my friend Duncan’s site, What’s Your Point, Caller? Since I don’t really know the answer to that, I didn’t want to jump in the discussion. I want to sit at the feet of others and learn, during this period of my life. But this I do know: we are called to BE where we are. And it is on this simple point that I get hung up. I want to BE somewhere else, with different people in my sphere of influence. I want to live in my walkable, livable town square with several coffee shops and people who are friendly but not so well-off that they don’t want to be seekers of His Way with me. I have it pictured in my mind, but it doesn’t exist.

What does exist is South Florida 80% of the time with quick junkets here (Massachusetts) and there (all the other places I wander.). What exists is my aging, alzheimer’s-diagnosed mother who gets scared and needs to remember that she is special, even if she is fighting me tooth and nail. What exists are my children, trying to grow their wings in sizes and shapes I’d never have imagined. What exists is the church I love, a slightly-accidental mega-church in the middle of suburbs so affluent they aren’t searching for much. What exists is a transient community swirling around the sun and sand, rarely interacting with each other. What exists is a calling to BE…right here. To me, that is being missional. Trying with each breath of each day to be the hands and feet of God in this community, even while I’m trying to reach out through this blog to a larger community.

There’s another Robbie Seay song that kind of captures how I’m feeling right now. Read these lyrics then head to their site to hear the song. It’s called “New Day.”

I'm gonna sing this song
To let you know that you're not alone
And if you're like me
You need hope, coffee, and melody
So sit back down
Let the world keep spinning ‘round
For yesterday's gone and today is waiting on you to show your face

It might not be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
But it’s a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day
And it might not look like
A beautiful sunrise
But it's a new day, oh baby, it’s a new day

I’m a pilgrim soul
I've traveled far and come back home
This land is hard and cold
For those who long to love
And I know it might seem
That the world is crumbling
But it’s me and you dancing in the kitchen at 2 am
And we're still alive

It’s the calm of the storm that comes blowing in
It’s the springtime saying I'm back again
The clouds that roll by
Crossing moonlight
Me and you love – everything's alright
Standing in the rain with nowhere to go
Laughing and we're spinning and I hope that you
Remember this day
For the rest of your life
Me and you love – everything’s gonna be alright

And it just might be
The prettiest thing that you'll ever see
It’s a new day
Oh baby, it’s a new day
If you look outside

To see a beautiful sunrise

It’s a new day

I know it is kind of pointless to post about something after the Blog King, Carlos Whittaker, posts about it. But on the off-chance that there are a few of you out there who do not read Carlos’ blog, I’m going to pass on an interesting find. Carlos tells the story of his friends Steve and Danae, and the adoption of their Ethiopian daughter. In the process of adopting their little Eva, Steve and Danae found their lives changed by the conditions they saw in Ethiopia. They started a coffee company to raise money for work in Ethiopia. 100% of the profits are invested back in the work. On the Gobena site you can see an orphanage that is being built. Anyway, watch their trip to Ethiopia, and then head over to Gobena Coffee like I did and buy some coffee. You can read more of their story on the Gobena Coffee site and on Ragamuffin Soul.

Ed Bahler wrote the blog post of the day for me. He said so many things I would like to say, too. Go check it out.

David and I have become close friends with Buddy Hoffman, the pastor of Grace Fellowship Church in Snellville, Georgia. Over the years Buddy has taught us many amazing lessons. His sermon from Sunday, June 1 on the spiritual disciplines of being a Christ Follower was amazing. Here are a few points that stuck out for me.

• We think of the spiritual disciplines as fasting, praying, reading the scripture. And they are. But Christ also demonstrated other disciplines for us.
• Christ was known for “associating with sinners.” That old phrase from our youth usually implied something bad about the person doing the associating, but Buddy reminded us that hanging out with the sinners is what Christ DID. Hanging out is a spiritual discipline.
• If we don’t hang out with people whose lifestyle we don’t necessarily agree with, we aren’t following the disciplines of Christ.
• The words used to describe the time Jesus spent with the “sinners” were the words we would associate with hanging out, relaxing, doing life. These weren’t formal dinners.
• Who are the people we need to be doing life with? Your neighbor Ed may have vowed to never step foot in a church again, but he probably hasn’t vowed never to eat a hamburger again. Do life with Ed.
• Another spiritual discipline is embracing life. Like a platter of ripe, perfect fruit or the finest chocolate, Jesus has spread life out in front of his children for us to enjoy. Christians need to dive in head-first into life, and model enjoying the gifts lavished on us.

Buddy’s Kingdom Series, which he has been preaching for most of the year, is worth listening to. You can find the link to the podcasts here if you are interested.

Pete Wilson, lead pastor at Cross Point where my friend Jenni is the executive pastor, wrote an amazing blog recently about why he bothers to blog. Now, I don’t have nearly the readership that Pete does, and I’m not a pastor by any means. But he captures some of the spirit of why I keep writing Coffee Shop Journal. (Besides the fact that I’m addicted and somehow I have to!) Go read Pete’s blog. It inspires me.

Go click over to this Portland, Oregon amateur photographer. I follower her blog/flickr stream religiously. Today I read an entry about meeting a presumably homeless woman — ok, a woman who sings for change on the street — outside of Powell’s books. This is the exact same corner where I did not stop and talk to the teenage boy I mentioned in my last post. Go read Hula Girl’s post, the one I didn’t get to write.

We head back home to South Florida tomorrow, and I am sorry. I have enjoyed the tall trees, the family close-by, the Starbucks in our parking lot, Blue Joe’s, the wedding, and lots of good food. In the end, it was almost like a vaction!

Regrettably, I’m at the end of Jim and Casper Go to Church. The journey, however, is just beginning. I am in that evangelist mode right now: “Every person who works in or near a church has GOT TO READ THIS BOOK!” So much of my life is invested in the church, a place I love, and which is apparently largely incomprehensible to most of those who don’t walk through its doors. I also love life “out there,” in the wide, wide world beyond the church parking lot. I love the goodness and diversity you can find there. I sense God smiling out there sometimes. My continual frustration is how to bring those worlds together! Jim Henderson and Matt Casper, in holding that mirror up to us, may have also given us an action plan to accomplish some of that goal. To continue my metaphor, a mirror can often inspire me to make different lifestyle choices: move more, eat less. It can tell me what makeup is not working, what clothes do me favors, what hairstyle I need to reconsider. This book can do that, too, if we have the courage to really listen. And make no mistake, it will take courage. But at the end of the road, we may be able to build a bridge to authentic, true “for real” friendships.

I guess I’d like some straight shooting: ‘Hi. Life is challenging But we’ve found that being followers of Jesus has helped us. Maybe it could help you, too.’ That’d be refreshing. And I’d be interested in hearing more and asking questions. In short, I’d be interested in having a conversation.

-Matt Casper

Some of the resources available for further exploration

Off the Map - Jim Henderson’s site for ideas on putting faith into practice in concrete ways, connecting with the community and links to everything related.

Conversations at the Edge - a site devoted to respectful conversations with people of all viewpoints. This is designed to bring you to the edge of your comfort zone.

Ebay Atheist - the original “atheist for hire” that started the conversation.

Doable Evangelism - putting the concepts into actual practice in the actual world. Shocking!

Justice and Compassion - putting feet to our faith.

Just to warn you: no matter who you are, you will certainly not agree with everything you read on these sites and blogs. In fact, that’s the point! But to me, it was mind-boggling to peek into the conversations swirling around us. Go check them out, then come back and share what you have found!

In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day - Chapter 8

It has been awhile since I’ve posted a Snowy Day post. Life has been busy! But tonight I was drawn back to Mark Batterson’s book, and we are now on chapter 8: the importance of looking foolish. Let’s start with a quote:

We try to look like everybody else. We try to talk like everybody else. We try to dress like everybody else. And the end result? We become like everybody else. We hide our idiosyncrasies and insecurities behind the mask of who we think we’re supposed to be. We stop being ourselves and start being who we think everyone wants us to be.

But something invaluable and irreplaceable is lost when we cave in to conformity. We lose our personality. We lose our originality. And at some point we lose our soul. Instead of becoming the one-of-a-kind original we were destined to be, we settle for a carbon copy of someone else.

Here’s the deal, as Mark Batterson says: if you aren’t willing to look foolish, you’re foolish. I’ve been praying lately for God to take me to the end of myself, to get me to the point where all I want is what He wants. A big prayer, but life is a journey. And then I pick up Snowy Day and realize the chapter is about looking foolish while we are dreaming the big, limitless dreams that God gives us.

I don’t know of anyone who more exemplifies this kind of holy foolishness than Carlos Whittaker, a man I’ve actually never met (yet!). Read his blog. Carlos is willing to be childlike, creative and unorthodox in his never-ending quest to be an authentic Christ Follower in this world. This week alone the Ragamuffin Soul was willing to show us his Ragamuffin Top as he begins a fitness quest. We’ve seen him dancing with his daughters, playing ping pong with his co-workers in a riveting live-stream. We’ve seen him interviewing leaders, riding the bus, fast-forwarding through his day, and leading us in worship. He opens his world and is willing to be transparent to show us the real world, a real dad, real ministry. Yeah, Ragamuffin Soul looks foolish. I wish I could, too.

Mark Batterson, who knows Carlos by the way, and would probably agree with my assessment, tells the story of riding in the van with his wife and kids, music blaring. Mark and his wife Lora get all jiggy to the music they have going. Their kids think they are crazy, but the people in the car behind them really think they are nuts. He writes:

But who is crazy? Is it us? Or is it the people who can’t hear the music? I’d like to think the crazy people are the ones who aren’t dancing because they can’t hear the music.

There is an old proverb: “Those who hear not the music think the dancer is mad.”

I’ve been praying for God to take me to the end of myself, and this chapter of In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day (please, Mark…can you think of a shorter title next time?) reminds me that perhaps the fears I am facing really result from my fear of appearing foolish. I’ve been praying this prayer, but I’m a little afraid God is going to take me up on it.

At least I’ll be in good company.

David and I have been doing extensive “field work” picking our favorite coffee shops around town! It’s a hard job, but someone has to do it. Pray for me in this endeavor.

I’m totally kidding…we’re having a blast making friends all over town, to tell you the truth. As I’ve mentioned before, the bars are really the friendliest spots where people are most open to conversation. But it doesn’t set quite the example I want to set for my kids to be hanging out in bars, so we’ve been looking for the friendliest coffee shops instead. South Florida has a strange sense of community. Actually, they have very little sense of community. That lack of “place” is probably our biggest frustration. There are literally no hometown choices within a 20 minute radius, so Starbucks it is. So this is how we’ve tried to establish ourselves in the community during this intense season of caffeination.

1.  We know nearly all the barista’s names in our three top spots. We are trying to consciously limit ourselves to the top three, too. There are only so many relationships you can nurture!
2. We make sure we are in the coffee shop at least two to three times a week.
3. We stay put in the shop for at least an hour, preferably more. During that time we make sure we get up and down a few times.
4. Talk! I’ve had some really interesting conversations lately, with people who are very diverse. The new perspective this has given me is invaluable.
5. Bring an interesting book. I’ve said it before, your book is the best conversation starter there is! A follow-up to that should be obvious: be sensitive in what book you choose to read!
6. Be a friend. You are a “guest” in this coffee shop, or any other place you find yourself in the community. This is not the time to preach, beg or exhort. I really don’t think there’s ever a time to do those things. Just learn to be part of the community and open your heart and mind to new relationships. Sitting at my coffee shop in Lexington, Massachusetts one rainy day I got to learn all about the world of cut throat scrabble competitions in Lexington. Use this time to learn and listen.

I don’t know if any of this is helpful to you or not. I just thought I’d tell you what we are trying to do around here to build community. It’s all part of a journey, and I’d love to hear from you on your journeys, too. Your community is probably different from mine. You might actually have a community! The title of Howard Schult’z book kind of says it all: “It’s not about the coffee.”