To make yourself a more solution-oriented team player…

• Refuse to give up. Think about an impossible situation you and your teammates have all but given up overcoming. Now determine to not give up until you find a solution.
• Refocus your thinking. No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking. Set aside dedicated time to work on the problem. Make sure it’s prime think time, not leftover time when you are tied or distracted.
• Rethink your strategy. Get out of the box of your typical thinking. Break a few rules. Brainstorm absurd ideas. Redefine the problem. Do whatever it takes to generate fresh ideas and approaches to the problem.
• Repeat the process. If at first you don’t succeed in solving the problem, keep at it. If you do solve the problem, then repeat the process with another problem. Remember, your goal is to cultivate a solution-oriented attitude that you bring into play all the time.

–John Maxwell, Go for Gold

I saw a new blurb on Fox News this morning saying that for the first time ever, Starbucks is planning on closing some of its United States locations in the coming year. While I realize that as far as business models go this might make sense, in my heart of hearts I was saying “Not in my backyard! Don’t touch any of my spots!” Each of the Starbucks in my neighborhood have a different sense of community. Different people are attracted to them, and different converstions happen within them. Now I know, of course, that most of those meetings will merely shift to another location, but I still hope they don’t close any of “our” Starbucks!

All of this got me thinking about the implications of the phrase “Let’s meet for coffee.”

• Everyone knows the “Let’s meet for coffee.” has nothing to do with coffee. It’s a purely social connection.
• Third Place coffee shops are neutral territory — privacy in the middle of the public sphere.
• The degree of commitment implied with meeting for coffee is much less than sharing a meal. Food is a natural bonding agent that creates trust and community. Coffee, however, can be that first step toward real community in a non-threatening way.
• Coffee is a topic of conversation that — in the last 10 years anyway — can bring together complete strangers, saint and sinner alike.
• Scientific studies show that people are more receptive to new ideas after a cup of coffee, which explains all the business deals struck in Starbucks over a cup of java! This is also why I am so happy one of our church campuses allows people to bring their cup of coffee into the sanctuary with them. Finish that cup!
• A coffee cup in their hand makes people feel more at ease.

Even at Starbucks’ prices, that makes meeting for coffee a bargain that is hard to pass up!

If God’s church is to regain its influence in the world, we will have to get much more comfortable doing “our stuff” out there again. So this is what leaving is all about. Simply stated, it’s being “out there.” I’ve learned that if I stay in my office to study, nothing happens. But whenever I intentionally plant myself at a local hangout, I run into people and conversations start, and at the end of the day I know that something Kingdom oriented has happened.

– The Tangible Kingdom, Hugh Halter and Matt Smay 

This post is part of Watercooler Wednesday at Ethos -  cultural watercooler.

For something a little bit different, I picked up a book called The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille. The author is a social researcher who is on retainer by half of the Fortune 100 companies. His specialty is performing “discovery sessions” to determine what Americans (or other cultures as opposed to Americans) truly feel about any given subject. He uses three hour sessions during which he brushes away the debris of what we say we believe and uncovers what we feel and believe in our deepest gut. The third hour of his sessions always involves relaxing his focus group and taking them back to their earliest memories of whatever subject he is researching. the results of these third hour discussions reveal what he calls the “Code.” Many of these codes are simply fascinating. For instance, the Cultural Code in America for toilet paper is INDEPENDENCE. Yes…who would have known. When we master toilet paper apparently we get to shut the door on our parents for the first time and revel in our privacy and freedom. Knowing this code naturally helps companies market their products more effectively.

This morning I was reading the chapter on shopping and luxury, and found myself smiling from ear to ear. You see, he reconfirmed in his research what I have known instinctively for years: the act of going to shopping malls represents a way to reconnect with life in the American culture. Yes, we go to buy things, but that is only the excuse, or alibi, we use to wander through the stores. Read what he says:

This is the real message behind the alibi [of needing to buy something]. Yes, we shop because we need things, but shopping is more than a means of meeting material needs. It is a social experience. It is a way for us to get out of our homes and back into the world. It is something we can do with friends and loved ones. It is a way for us to encounter a wide variety of people and learn what’s new in the world — new products, new styles, and new trends — beyond what we see on television. We go shopping, and it seems as though the entire world is there.

The author goes on to explain — once and for all — a phenomena that has bothered many, many husbands. Shoppers (because there are a few male shoppers, too!) can often browse for hours, narrowing down their selections to just a few choices. We can seem to waffle on something over and over, frustrating our patient husbands while they wait for us to make a final choice. Often, in the end, we leave the mall saying “I need to think about it some more.” even though four or five acceptable choices were available. Why? Because once you no longer “need” a product, you lose your alibi for returning to the mall and reconnecting with life. Mystery solved.

Here is the connect that got me excited today. He went on to describe how malls have been adding casual hang out spaces so that the shopping time need not end so soon. We’ve seen this, of course, with coffee shops and new seating choices, food courts and even children’s play places. In other words, an effective Third Place. But here’s the kicker: apparently people come to this Third Place already looking to reconnect with life in a social sphere! They are already searching for a connection when they walk through the doors.

So my mall community is a valid connection point after all. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the coffee shop as a Third Place…not so much about the mall. I think maybe it’s time for some research!

I’m at Barnes and Noble right now, thinking about what it means to be available in the community. Community is a warm and fuzzy word, but really it is downright messy sometimes. As I look around here, where I only know two people at the moment, I can think of big issues in each of their lives…issues that I could never hope to solve. My weekend, too, was spent living transparently with others in my community in order to model relationship building. Life is not simple, and in our quest for connection with the people around us, we can’t pretend that it is.

Our job in this kingdom is to live out the truth in such away that the people around us are attracted to the source of that truth. One of the concepts in The Tangible Kingdom (Hugh Halter and Matt Smay) is that we need to be as concerned about our posture - how we present ourselves and our message of kingdom hope in the world - as we are about the message itself. When life gets messy, people need to know that we are on their side. They need to know that we will stick up for them even if they are in a mess of their own creation. Halter points to the story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery: a mess of her own making if there ever was one. Jesus won her heart by standing with her, not condemning her. He presented such a compelling portrait of God’s love for us that immediately all other loves seemed pale in comparison to this woman. His truth was so attractive, so present and available to her, that immediately she turned from her old life to take her first halting steps into the kingdom.

After finishing The Tangible Kingdom, I have written down in my journal five ways that I hope to be present in this world when others need me. They aren’t very profound, and I’ve written all of them before, but clarifying my mission has helped me realize what I can — and can’t — do.

1. I will redefine what it means to be in the world, but not of it. For most of my life I’ve focused on the second half of that statement. It was a good thing during my formative years to determine that I would not be “of” the world. But I’ve forgotten to be in the world. It’s time to “…find the courage to live bigger and be countercultural while remaining deeply embedded in the world.” I can’t tell you exactly what this will look like yet, but I do know that it’s going to change where I spend my time, how I prioritize.
2. I will grant others the grace to be sinners. Yes, that’s right…you have my permission to be a sinner. Because I am one. And once I realize that not only are Christians not perfect, but certainly people outside the faith are not perfect either, then I can truly meet people without judging them.
3. When I am with another member of my community — whether family member, friend, or new acquaintance in the coffee shops — I will make every effort just to BE there. For me, this is easier done with relative strangers than with my family. Just being there means that I will try to schedule my time more loosely, be flexible, and be intentional about creating opportunities.
4. I’m going to stop giving people advice. Does it ever work anyway? When someone need advice they will usually ask for it.
5. I’m going to try to create the feeling of “belonging” that we all long for wherever I am. Extending that depth of hospitality, the welcome that says “my doors are always open to you, because you fit here” is what transforms lives. How simple, and how terribly complicated.

I spent part of my morning hanging out in Starbucks with David today, reading The Tangible Kingdom by Hugh Halter and Matt Smay. I came to a section that really gets me excited about my life because it fits my giftings: building community. Now those of you who know me realize that I actually do not enjoy hosting large parties, even though I regularly do this for my church community. I enjoy the fact that I CAN host large parties, and that I have a hospitable space to offer, and that God has blessed me to make that kind of hosting possible. But large parties don’t set my creative juices on fire and give me a burst of adrenalin.

What really makes me happy is bringing together a small group of people, offering great food and sitting around my kitchen table watching the connections happen. It is around my table that lifetime bonds are made. Ministries are born - and some ministries fade away there, too, as time moves on. Trips are planned. Kids cry, eat, run off to play. Generations interact in ways I could not predict. When I had my mom over for dinner along with the youth staff, I’d never have predicted that she would bond with my young friend Chad, and think that he was the most delightful man she’d ever met. An improbable combination, grandparents and youth staff, but somehow it worked!

In other words, if you want to see community happen before your eyes, gather friends and acquaintances around the table, start serving food. Just add coffee to the mix, allow time and space, and be present in the moment.

A film critic I am not. If you can feed me popcorn and peanut M&M’s, I’ll buy into your movie hook line and sinker. I’m notorious for liking nearly everything…at least in the moment. Later, on DVD or Apple TV (love that!), I am more critical of movies. Maybe it’s the lack of chocolate. But in any case, I’m not great at writing about movies.

Having said that, I watched the film Bella tonight, and I loved it. Here are the things I loved:

• I loved that the director had a story he HAD to tell, and that he refused to compromise on his principles to tell it.
• I naturally loved the pro-life, pro-adoption message in the movie, considering that we adopted both our children and I myself am adopted.
• I appreciated the conflict of interest the filmmakers portrayed. I know the characters and dialogue were a little formulaic (I know…good critiquing-type word), but I felt like they had to be formulaic in order to represent the deeper realities the filmmakers wanted to bring out.
• Deeper realities. Jose, the main character, exuded a love and caring that was the essence of being present in the moment while working for the kingdom. If you want a characterization of what it means to be missional and present in people’s lives, look at Jose. Without condemning, without even speaking a word sometimes, he held Nina to a higher standard and supported her in her choices.
• Let’s not forget Jose’s amazing family. I appreciated that the latin family was so amazingly portrayed. I wanted to sit at their table with them. That table, by the way, was a great symbol of hospitality and warmth and inclusion.

And to be fair and balanced, let me point out a few things I didn’t like.

• The characters and plot were certainly quite predictable.
• Some of the editing choices seemed odd to me. I needed a few more transitions, I guess.
• The pace of the movie was a tad slow. Don’t choose this one late at night.

All told, Bella was a great way to spend an evening tonight with my 18 year old daughter. Jose and his family demonstrated true community, true love. Anytime you can portray that in the movies, I’m in.

Recently he took a vacation to the beach with his family, and told this story.

Elijah and I had a great time playing Wave Jumper at the beach last week.
Here’s a brief description of this sensational new game:
I stand behind Elijah, hold on to both of his wrists high above his head, and take him out to the place where the water hits his chest.  When the wave comes, I jerk him up high enough that the water doesn’t cover his face or get in his ears.  He then laughs uncontrollably, and proudly screams at the top of his lungs:
“I’m the Wave Jumper!  Let’s jump another wave Daddy!”
And we jump another one, and another one, and another one…

I didn’t have the heart or feel the need to explain to my almost 3 year old son that technically, he’s not the wave jumper.  Daddy is the wave jumper.  He should probably scream something more like:
“I’m the Hand Holder”.  I’m the one doing the heavy lifting here!
In actuality, here’s his only job in this partnership: to keep his hands in my hands, and trust that when the wave comes, I’ll lift him up high above it.

That’ll preach, won’t it?

Go to his blog and read the rest of the post. I know I’m going to be thinking about it for the rest of the day!

You see, I just finished reading Quaker Summer by Lisa Samson. Reading is such a dangerous activity! This fiction book is an excellent companion to Lisa and Will Samson’s book “Justice in the ‘Burbs.” It is a fictional playing-out of the principles found in Justice. If I were to summarize the principles off the top of my head they would boil down to these:

• As Christians we need to carefully evaluate our lifestyle. We need to do this frequently and repeatedly. The world is full of “big” things to do:should we let the “little”things sidetrack us? Look at your possessions, your activities, your living arrangements. Are they in line with what God has for you?
• Monitor your activities through the lens of God’s kingdom. Activities that used to have a purpose may now be nothing more than busy work, keeping us from the kingdom work.
• Look at where you are doing your work. Are you only interacting with other Christians? Do the issues of justice and social concerns ever hit your radar screen? If not, you may need to ask God where he is at work, and join him there.
• Keep your worship fresh. Make sure you are connecting to God in a variety of ways, including taking time to hear his voice and respond. Perhaps you might want to worship in a different church every so often to obtain a fresh perspective (if only thankfulness for your own church!).

I am sure that others reading these two books would take away different points, but these were the ones God was pointing out to me. Now combine these thoughts with The Tangible Kingdom, which I am currently reading. The Tangible Kingdom is teaching me to let go of some of the belongings, activities and people of the past in order to effectively serve God in the present.

And so we come to the dishtowels.

I have so many!!! I have them in all colors, textures and sizes. Some are neatly stored in my drawer, some are constantly on the counter. Some are in the wash. All of them need to be maintained: wash, dry, fold, use, repeat. I could divest myself of half my dishtowels and still have too many.

Lately my life feels like the dishtowel drawer.