Now as far as national holidays go, I realize Groundhog Day may not rank at the top of your list. But it’s pretty close to the top of mine!
It all started, of course, with the movie, Groundhog Day, starring Andie MacDowell and Bill Murray. Poor Bill Murray is stuck in a loop of an endlessly repeating day, a day which he gets to relive in almost any way you can imagine. Some days he makes creative use of his time (ice sculptures, reading French poetry, learning the piano). Other days he rescues people who have the misfortune of getting hurt or dying on Groundhog Day. In one memorable sequence, he commits suicide in any way he can think of. Each morning, waking up again to good old Sonny and Cher singing Babe.
It’s your basic movie that some people love and others can’t stand.
But that’s not why I love Groundhog Day, it’s just the start.
Because Groundhog Day started and symbolized something amazing. You see, when we were first married we became friends with Danny and Kim Butler, 25 years ago. They were another young couple just starting out in the church we attended back then, and we began to do life together. Year by year, kid by kid we have piled up memories together. Some of the memories have been unbearably sad, like the night we were out to dinner and interrupted by my father-in-law telling me that my brother had just been killed by a drunk driver. Some memories are whimsical, such as the way their daughter Jessi could literally shimmy up a person and wind up in your arms before you knew she was even there. Some memories make us belly laugh, like the night Jessi and Kylie “cleaned” Jillian’s room for her so she could sleep in her new crib (at the age of two or three days old) by sprinkling her room with Comet.
In the same year that Kylie and Jessi baptized Jillian’s room and floor in Comet, we discovered Groundhog Day, the movie. And lo and behold, we all had the quirky sense of humor required to watch that one day over and over again. Our other friends did not share our delight. So each year the Butlers would pack up their teeny kids, we would pop a Sillyville video in the kid’s room, and then we adults would watch Groundhog Day as near to February 2 as possible.
We’ve missed some years due to schedules. We’ve reached milestones where our kids were allowed to join us for the “Grownups” movie. We’ve even reached milestones where our kids laugh at us for Groundhog Day, schedule an alternate date, and head out the door.
Now you should know me by now. This post isn’t really about Groundhog Day at all. It’s about how incredibly blessed and thankful I am, year by year, to know that I have friends doing life with me. When days of mourning come, they are there. When days of celebration come, they know what flavor of ice cream to bring. They KNOW us.
I know that the Butlers — and a select handful of other friends — would be the first to ring our doorbell or barge in the house if David or I needed confrontation in any area of our lives. Should we step out from under the umbrella of God’s protection, we’d face their wrath. I also know that they would lay down their lives to bring us back into fellowship with God and with the family of God. I know this. I trust this.
Do you have friends like that? Are you willing to live your life in such radical, open transparency that words aren’t even necessary?
I hope the answer is yes. Because friends like Danny and Kim can make a holiday like Groundhog Day into a holy-day of knowing that life in the kingdom is meant to be lived with each other. In community. Together.
I only have a few minutes today, but wanted to write about something that’s been on my mind.
It’s that whole happiness theme.
Let’s be honest: in Christian circles, happiness is the little step-sister to the more applauded Joy, Peace, Contentment. Even Jesus cautioned us that in this world we WILL have trouble. And trouble we have! Which makes joy (defined as that well-being that doesn’t leave in spite of circumstances), peace and contentment so much more necessary than silly little happiness.
Happiness can feel like a name-it-and-claim-it cousin who just wants to put on a smile regardless. “Why yes, my dog died yesterday. But I’m still happy!”
But not so fast.
The fact is, God expects that the natural state of his children will be happiness on some level. Remember that whole “A cheerful heart does good, like medicine?” When he asks us to think about the lovely things, the beautiful things, is that not an invitation to rest our spirits in him and…be happy?
Zig Ziglar said once that “a positive attitude will never get you anything. But it will get you a whole lot more than a negative one.”
I am the church. So are you. We’re the incarnational representatives of Christ, right here, right now. I think that makes choosing to be happy the wise thing to do. Do we deny our other emotions? Of course not! But in the end, we return to our sense of completeness in him. It is a completeness that allows us to be happy in spite of and sometimes even because of our circumstances.
That’s the message I got today while reading “The Happiness Advantage” by Shaun Achor. In any adverse event, there are people who will react poorly — becoming helpless and hopeless quickly — and there are people who will react well — finding creative and unique ways to manage their situation. This is documented and named. It is called Post-Traumatic Growth Syndrome.
You’ve probably heard about this syndrome. It’s the person who survives the 9/11 crashes and turns to God, changing the path of their life. It’s the financial executive who uses the economic pull-back to reconnect with his family, develop stronger relationships with his clients, and come out the other side stronger. It’s your neighbor fighting cancer who tells you “I’ve never appreciated how beautiful my life is until now.”
Tal Ben-Shahar, one of the leading researchers in the happiness field, says it well: “things do not necessarily happen for the best, but some people are able to make the best out of things that happen.” God phrased it somewhat differently in Romans, when he reminds us that “All things work together for good.”
It turns out that failure, likewise, is a great predictor of success. Watch how a person responds to failure and you will know their character and you will know if they have the psychological flexibility to triumph regardless of the circumstances. A crisis — no matter how large or small — can be a catalyst for your creativity.
Reading this today, here are some of the ways I’ve resolved to react to “failures” in my life:
Tell myself the truth. After a failure it’s easy to overemphasize the importance of the event in our minds. Consciously choose to look at the event differently and literally tell yourself a different story about it. God does this for us by redeeming our past experiences so we can help others navigate the same waters. Failure becomes an opportunity.
Remember what my grandmother said: “This too shall pass.” I got tired of hearing it in the wake of a boyfriend break-up or a party invite that never came, but it was true then and it is true now. These setbacks are temporary, and we were made for eternity. We are bigger than these circumstances right now.
Never waste a crisis. This applies to me as well as others. In a moment of crisis we are open to God’s voice as well as the wise counsel of others. If it’s your own event, sit down with a journal and listen to what God’s trying to say to you.Write it down.Highlight it. Underline it. Internalize the message God’s sending you. If it is another’s crisis, offer to pray with them and do it…right there, right then. Be sparing in your advice and lavish in your love. And the best advice is the word of God. Turn them back to the source of wisdom.
Engineer a success. It’s easy to overgeneralize when we have experienced a failure in one area, and assume that we will fail in all areas. To counteract this, arrange a success. Even something as simple as baking a great dessert and inviting the neighbors over — knowing they will be happy to remind you of your baking prowess! — can change your mental state.
What about you? Any other ideas for me on how to grow in the middle of a crisis point?
I’ve been using Hoot Suite to post twitters and to follow my social media lately. I love that program! I love to browse freely across my twitter peeps, reading their blogs and connecting with people all over the world.
I love being able to write a blog post, post the link, and then repost it later at a better time. Did you know the average Twitter stream only lasts ten minutes? So Hoot Suite lets me repost links to my blog posts without being tied ot my computer.
So I was feeling pretty good about myself and my new relationship with Hoot Suite.
Until I discovered Klout.
Klout is some rating used by Hoot Suite that measures… well I don’t know what it measures. I presume it measures your standing and your “clout” on Twitter? It’s kind of the credit-rating score of social media. In any case, all-wise Hoot Suite has determined my Klout number.
Immediately I had to see everyone else’s Klout number.
Shoot! I don’t understand why that person’s Klout is higher than mine…they have fewer followers! They don’t even twitter ABOUT anything! How can this be? OK, that person I understand: they are a pastor and have thousands of followers. But her? him? Why not me?
In a matter of seconds my self-esteem plummeted and I was ready to sign off Twitter. Why? Because some unknown conglomeration of numbers judged me and found me wanting. My Klout stinks. Comparatively. Of course there are those with no Klout, but we don’t consider those, right?
Oh it’s vicious, isn’t it? The game of comparing ourselves to others? It sneaks up in a heartbeat. I don’t even have an idea what Klout really is!
Guess what? God gives you (and me) totally different scores. In God’s kingdom, the first are last and the last are first. In God’s kingdom, the children get it and the leaders don’t. In God’s kingdom, the power of one person can sometimes outweigh all the Klout of another. In God’s kingdom, it’s all his Klout anyway!
I’m laughing at myself now, pleased that I saw through another attempt of the world to judge me and make me strive for nothingness.
I’m busy running around town on this beautiful, sunny day and loving it. Six years ago today my Dad finished his amazing run here on earth, and I’ve been quietly celebrating all that he taught me today. In addition, Soulprint has me evaluating and honoring my earliest memories as they reveal what God has wired into your life. I can’t wait to blog about that, but it’s not quite time!
So for today, check out this tongue-in-cheek video entitled How to Be Happy. The tone of the video makes me laugh, but the principles are right on!
There are no ordinary people. You have never met a mere mortal.”
– CS Lewis
Who am I now that I’m not who I was?
This is a question that has been running around my head for the past year. David and I are, predictably, in a season of change in our lives. Part of that change was inevitable: our kids are moving out and all those responsibilities will soon rest mainly on their shoulders. This is an amazing transition, and it has humbled me to watch the girls begin it. Another part of our season of change is due to our family circumstances. We just sold my dad’s business in Boston, and are now entering a new phase in our own business lives as a result. Put both these circumstances together and — in my opinion — you have an opportunity for God to step in and write His story all over your future!
So this is the state of affairs as I begin to read Soulprint, by Mark Batterson. You may remember that Mark’s first book, “In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day,” was my first in-depth blog review and set the course for not only Coffee Shop Journal, but my spiritual growth plan for the past four years. (You can find the first of the Lion posts here, if you want to go back and read them.) Mark has since written two other books which I have thoroughly enjoyed, but didn’t impact me like Lion.
Soulprint is getting ready to set my course for the next few years. In a return to the kind of vision of hope that moved me years ago, Mark Batterson is writing about God’s unique plan for us to step into our future and accept the vision God has for each of us. Our fingerprints, he says, are unique. So are our “soulprints.” An that uniqueness is not just God’s unbelievable gift to you, the lottery you won in life. It is a responsiblity! He has planned for you to be…YOURSELF!
Is that not the most amazing thought?
You are good enough to do the task God has designed for you. As Mark says in the first chapter, “You were created to worship God in a way that no one else can. How? By living a life no one else can — your life. You have a unique destiny to fulfill, and no one can take your place. You place an irreplaceable role in God’s grand narrative.” Anything less than being all that God created us to be amounts to forfeiting our spiritual birthright.
Stop and think about that again.
How many times have we read the story of Esau in Genesis 26 and wondered how in the world could Esau have sold his birthright for…soup? Really, Esau? Soup?
But maybe we are doing the same thing. Oh, we might be selling for a slightly higher price — at least a few filet mignon dinners — but when we stop being all we can be, we’ve sold out just like Esau.
“Let this promise soak into your spirit…It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
For the rest of the book, Batterson uses the life of David to illustrate how God takes all the moments of our life and connects the dots into the role he has for us to play.
“Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity. And one way God redeems the past is by helping us see it through His eyes, His providence. So the key to fulfilling your future destiny is in your past memories.”
David the lion-killer (oh! There come the lions again!) is transformed into David the giant-killer. God is literally hand-crafting us one at a time for the destiny He planned.
I don’t know about you, but those thoughts challenged and comforted me. My mind went back to the day we sold the business up north. On the phone with Buddy Hoffman, a pastor and dear friend who has mentored us over the years, I was wondering out loud what was next for us. Buddy said, “One thing you know: it will look nothing like the past and yet it will also look everything like the past.” It’s good to know that God never expected me to be my Dad, or my Mom, or my pastor, or Mark Batterson, or the many authors I admire. He never planned for me to plan my life around them or anyone else. He planned for me to be me.
“The end goal is not a revelation of who you are. The end goal is a revelation of who God is. After all, you won’t find yourself until you find God. The only way to discover who you are is to discover who God is because you are made in His image….He sets us free from who we’re not, so we can become who we were destined to be.”
– Soulprint
[I rarely do in-depth processing of books on the blog, usually settling for a brief recommendation and what I learned from a particular book or author. But Soulprint is hitting me at a deeper level...so be prepared for at least several posts while I take this journey! And take my advice...go grab a copy.]
Jillian’s little dog Auddrie entertains us constantly with her quirks. Somehow she manages to take after her mommy, reinforcing the “Dogs are like their owners” stereotype. Which means — considering my dog, Toby — that your ankles are not safe around me!
One of Auddrie’s quirks is that she loves to gather things and pile them around her. She chose a spot in our living room as her designated stash. It’s kind of a random spot, in the middle of the floor and not protected or cozy. As a stashing spot, it kind of stinks. But to this spot she will drag anything of importance or intriguing to her little doggy mind. The picture above is just a random shot of today’s stash. At any given moment it could include dishtowels, underwear, dog toys or makeup! And when she’s gathered the day’s loot, Auddrie flops down in the middle of it all and waits for the next big event.
I’m feeling a little like Auddrie lately. I realized that I often want to gather all my random bits of “stuff” around me. I want to survey it all, then flop down and wait for God to do something interesting. “OK, Lord, this is what I can do for you. This is what I’ve gathered. Now show me.”
Funny thing is, God doesn’t seem to want to work that way!
Just like I can look at Auddrie’s stash and know that the doggy bone might be of value to her but she is never going to use the makeup appropriately (she has no style!), so God looks down at our collection of treasures and knows that some of them need to be removed from the stash. None of them, in fact, will get us anywhere. God really just wants us to say “Here I am. Just a puppy made for your pleasure. Let’s go!”
While it may not seem like it, this little post is related to my Happiness posts. It’s taken me awhile, but I’ve figured out that most of my stash adds nothing to my happiness or my choices that lead to the deeper connections and joys of this crazy life. In fact, collecting and guarding the stash takes so much energy that I don’t feel like playing very much at all.
I’m letting my stash of treasures go. It’s easier to travel the world that way!
Most of us would agree: we could be happy if it weren’t for our problems! There’s a huge “Amen!” rising up inside, isn’t there? I feel it too. “Yes,” I think, “If I didn’t have to take care of Kylie’s hedgehog and Jillian’s dog, if I didn’t have to go on yet another business trip, if I didn’t have to…”
Fill in the blank, it’s all the same. We see the obstacles in our lives and assign them blame for our happiness, or lack of it.
Last week, John Maxwell made a point that has changed how I’m choosing to look at these happiness-stealing issues. There is a difference, he argued, between problems and facts of life. Problems are issues that can be solved. Develop a plan, take responsibility for the action, and work the plan. Problem solved.
Other issues are facts of life. There is no solution. Your father left your family, my mother has Alzheimers, my family is scattered all over the United States. No solutions within our grasp. When you encounter a fact of life, treating it like a problem will make you miserable as you search and try fruitless solutions. Instead, learn to adapt yourself. At the end of the day, you can only control yourself.
Use wisdom in knowing what you can control and what you can’t. Put your energy into fixing problems, not facts of life.
One small piece of advice that can raise your happiness level.
This is one of my definitions for a small burst of happiness: Starbucks with my coffee, Ipad and journal!! Seizing little moments of happiness makes us happier overall.
I will confess: I’m a ”happiness” junkie.
It’s not entirely my fault, being born with my own particular DNA which makes it impossible for me to live in a depressed state for long. There have been times, however, when I’ve slumped into that “I don’t really care about the world just let me sit on my couch” state of being for one reason or another. During those moments, the sunshiny days of being happy for no particular reason at all seem far, far away. About as far away as the kingdom of Far, Far Away.
My faith, however, always points the way back for me, and happiness is the most amazing gift, given by God. In the book of Philippians He tells us to think about good things, lovely things, true things. It’s good advice — and advice born out by scientific proof, by the way — and it never fails to turn the corner for me. I change what I think about and I change how I feel.
I’ve noticed an upsurge in interest in the field of happiness (or positive psychology) in the bookstores lately. And I am intrigued. I’m always intrigued when scientific inquiry and faith come together like that. The basic premise of the happiness research revolves around the concept of neuroplasticity: that the brain can rewire itself and learn, grow, change. As Christians, we’ve always known this. After all, Romans tells us that our lives can be transformed by the renewing of our minds. God changes us from the inside out. Now science has proven the fact that our brains physically change in response to learning with all sorts of fun studies. One such study focused on London cabbies, who apparently have to carry around an incredibly complex map of their city in their brains, resulting in one area (the hippocampus) which grows larger than the normal person’s hippocampus. I didn’t even know I had one, but apparently mine is not all that spectacular compared to a cabbie’s.
In any event, the big news is this: we can teach our brains to think differently. We can teach ourselves to do what God commanded, and be…happy.
So let’s!
This blog is the first in a series on some of the happiness research and what it means for us in everyday life. There are some concrete ways that we can “think on the things that are lovely and true,” following God’s advice. I think it will be interesting to give ourselves permission to experience happiness, joy, and the peace that passes understanding…no matter what the circumstances around us say.
Incidentally, the way I refocused my thoughts during those blue times and began thinking new thoughts should hardly surprise you. I went to the bookstore. I smelled the lovely smell of new books. I picked some up books half-heartedly, and found myself interested. I went home with a couple to read. A hot tub, a good book and time to read them? Mission accomplished.
So there’s your first principle to finding happiness: change what you are looking at.
Indulge me in just a little rambling about our family for a moment. Last week we returned from our family reunion in Park City, Utah. I had never been to Utah, but after this trip I know two things: it’s beautiful and it is cold! All 20 of us from five states gathered together for a few days of skiing, spa and family dinners. My mom spent her days with babies, which filled her love tank with lots of slurpy kisses and hugs. My favorite part of the day was the end, after all the skiing was done, the food was eaten and the dishes put away. Then we sat around in a big family circle and either played games, video games or just sat and caught up. We laughed a lot. And over the course of the trip it was so special to see how much we all appreciated each other.
Friday night, four days after we’d arrived, my Mom looked around the room and said, “This is so nice. It’s just…all of us. Here.”
